Chapter 14 - Confusion

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Samhain

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Samhain.

Never have I loathed a day more.

Shannon is fucking that damn Atlantean today. In front of the entire Summer Court.

As I paced my chambers, the image circled around in my head like a nightmare I just couldn't get rid of. Despite all my attempts at distraction, I couldn't seem to stop myself from thinking about it. No, instead it clung like a Jotunheim antlion, persistently sucking the lifeblood out of me.

Sucking the soul out of me.

Even with Aidan here, trying to walk on those cute chubby legs as he lurched from table, to chair, to me... still, I couldn't get the image out of my head. I knew she was doing this to save our son. Our beautiful, happy little boy with his gorgeous hazel eyes.

My fingers twisted against each other, before one hand rose to massage the pounding in my temples. How do I look into those eyes, so like my Shannon's, and tell him it's my fault she isn't here? That I couldn't come up with a way to block the curse? That they were paying because of revenge against me? For all my knowledge and all my power, I'd never felt so completely and utterly helpless.

Norns, but it was a toxic stew, churning and roiling in my stomach.

And that fucker was there for her when I wasn't.

Yeah, I had no doubt that Elatha showed up in time. Although I'd never mentioned it, I'd seen enough flashes of him in her memories when she didn't guard her thoughts well enough. She'd accidentally shared far more than she realized. Snippets of conversation and images of them together. I would have felt better if I could have maintained the illusion that he was a crappy lover. Unfortunately, I'd seen and experienced otherwise when the sensations spilled through our bond.

Damn it.

I knew she'd missed him. It was more than physical, their connection. She dreamt about him, invading my dreams with fantasies of the three of us together. Without her here, I couldn't turn to her to sate the simmering arousal humming through my blood afterwards. It left me raw and unsettled. I didn't know what to do about it. More than once of late, I'd found myself having difficulty controlling the chaos inside me, flipping between my forms since Shannon left for Alfheim.

"Are you in here moping, Loki?"

I looked up to see Mother standing in the entrance to my rooms, smiling at Aidan and his efforts to walk. She made faces at him and he smiled that toothy little grin, showing off his new bottom front tooth.

"I'd say I'm playing with Aidan, not moping." I tried to keep my voice steady, but Mother knew me too well.

"I've been meaning to talk to you for a while now."

"About?"

"I know how hard it is to keep secrets from a soulmate. Stray thoughts, feelings, and images can trickle down the bond, especially in sleep."

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