I'm sitting on a stool while my chin is resting on my hand. The walls feel like they're closing in. My heart is starting to beat faster and faster. The voices around me are blending together, and the music is pounding in my head. I'm trying so hard to breathe.
I have come so far in this war. My anxiety and I are 5-4 this year. I have had four panic attacks this year. One less than last year. The five is for all of the places where I have been able to quiet the anxiety down and actually enjoy myself.
But I feel like I'm losing tonight. My lungs can't find the air anymore. I close my eyes for one last thing to concentrate on.
"Are you beat too?" Riley's voice finds its way past all the cacophony which makes it easier for me to breathe.
The only person who's been able to calm me before a panic attack was my dad. My mom has tried, but my anxiety will only shut up for a special kind of person. I don't understand how my own mother can't calm me down, but a guy that I've only known for a month can.
I yawned unexpectedly. "I'll take that as a yes." I smile at him as he grabs the stool next to me and pulls in closer.
Scar and JC have been talking each other's ears off for the past hour. My eyes have drifted away to other groups of people, but Scar and JC have been entertaining me since they are the only ones close enough for me to hear.
"I love Scar, but I wish she would stop talking." Riley laughs. "I need my bed right now."
"I get you're not much of a partier, huh?"
"Not one bit. This is the first party I've ever gone to."
"Really? I thought Scarlett dragged you to every party she goes to."
"She's definitely tried, but I always said no."
"Why was this time different?"
"I finally wanted to experience it. At the beginning of this week, Ella, my roommate, wanted to go to a party, and she wanted me to come with her. I told her I would think about it, which was the first time I didn't decline right away." I turn my head to Riley. He's listening intensely with his ears and his eyes. I lose my train of thought at the exact moment I look into his eyes.
"Why isn't Ella here?"
"She received some bad news this week. She didn't feel up to partying. I would have stayed with her at the apartment, but she got invited out to dinner." I yawn for the millionth time.
"Do you want to ditch and grab some food?" My heart drops into my stomach.
Ditching Scarlett... at the party, she invited me to... for a guy...
I can feel my anxiety pulling me to run out the door. I want to leave this party. But I want to leave with him.
"Where would we go?"
"There's a diner I know close by."
He's looking at me again.
"What?" The sides of my mouth defy gravity and lift up.
"You're so quiet." Silence fills the empty diner.
"Yeah. I guess I am."
"You're not though."
"What?"
"You are quiet. But your mind isn't. What's going on in there?" He lightly taps my forehead. It feels like he just lit up a light inside of me that's been off for a long time.
"Too much."
"Let's talk about it."
"I don't think you want to hear everything going on in my head."
YOU ARE READING
In Two Years
RomanceJosephine Bellamy is a student at the University of Massachusetts. Jo is a hopeless romantic who has decided to take a break from love. Although she fantasizes about love, she has decided that she would not let that get in the way of her studies. On...
