In Two Years

Chapter 16: The Night Before Her Birthday

Scarlett has already invited me to go out with her and her guy friends. I didn't give her an answer right away which surprised her. Usually, I deny it right away. My hesitation has left a little hope that I will actually accept her invitation.

I typically don't go to the bar on nights I don't work. My senses get heightened when I'm at a bar. I can smell the alcohol under everyone's breath. I can feel the music pounding in my ears, and the noises of cheering after a touchdown has been made on the screen. It all makes me aggravated. I refuse to spend my free time in a bar.

I've only worked three shifts this week which is abnormally low for me, so most of my time has been spent in my dorm with Ella.

I'm feeling restless. It's a weird feeling, to be eager to see people. I'm not used to it. There has never been a time when I don't want to be laying in my bed spending time with just myself. I don't know what my friends have done to me this semester, but I'm definitely changing. I can't decide if I like it or hate it. But there's only one way to find out, and that's to continuously taste it.

I don't know who Scarlett is hanging out with tonight. She's truly the most extroverted person to exist and the most spontaneous. It scares me sometimes how easily she makes friends, but then I remember her nickname is Scar. She can take care of herself.

I text Scarlett, "Hey. Is that invitation still valid?"

"DUH!!!" She texts back with way too many exclamation points.

I can feel the anxiety fill the veins in my body. I feel my body start to shiver from not knowing what the night is going to bring.

I crawl onto the couch. I just need to breathe. It's okay not knowing what's going to happen. So many people get high off of spontaneity. People can have fun without having to plan every second of their day, and it hasn't killed them. I can do the same.

Once Scarlett arrives outside of my apartment building, I jump into the passenger seat.

"Well well well. Have I finally rubbed off on you?"

"Absolutely not." I exaggerate. "I was feeling anxious all day, but not my normal anxiousness. It was more like antsy anxiety. Well until I texted you."

"So you wanted to go out?"

"Yes?" I say questioning it because it's not something I've ever felt. My anxiety has always made me want to stay in my room where I feel 100% safe. Putting a blanket over my head forces me into my own little world in my head where everything is okay. Where my dad is still alive. Where I get to rest on his shoulder at the art exhibit. Where Riley is. Because now he's a part of my safe world.

I never thought that I would want to put on "real" clothes and go out with friends when my anxiety starts pounding in my chest.

"What did you mean when you said 'until I texted you?"

"When I told you that I wanted to go out, my normal anxiety started taking over again. You don't plan out anything when you go out which was stressing me out."

"The idea of planning stresses me out. That's what makes us best friends."

"Haha," I say in a flat tone. "I wish I could go with the flow though."

"You are tonight."

"And it's driving me crazy." I put my hands into my face and try to hide into my knees. Scar laughs at my dramatization.

"Hey Scarlett, over here!" Jake yells as we walk into the bar. We make our way over to them. I see Jake from the party I attended a couple of months ago alongside JC and Riley. I am still not used to Riley being in my circle of friends.