The beast within me restored my inner peace

Chapter Seven: Trust Is Earned

I always used to see things that said: "Without trust, there is no relationship", and that is the definition of truth. When you can no longer trust your friends, family or significant other... That is when a huge change needs to be made. Either things need to be worked on for the better or they need to be cut off completely. You need trust in literally every relationship in your life otherwise what's the point? You will question everything they tell you. You will worry when they say something and think they are doing the complete opposite. Things will only become worse and worse and you won't be able to get out of the hole you dug for yourself. Never make the mistake of continuing a relationship with anyone once trust is completely broken. Take things slow and try to see if everything is salvageable. If they aren't, then you have saved yourself from a huge mistake down the line. I tried to make things work with family, friends and exes even when trust was utterly shattered beyond help... It took a long time to figure out that there was nothing more that I could do to help the situation. You try so hard to make things work because of the potential you see but not the current circumstances. Don't stay where you are not appreciated because of potential change instead of paying attention to current circumstances. That will make you feel the loneliest you will ever feel in your life because you might be too embarrassed to speak about it to anyone else. We tend to isolate ourselves when we do things that we are ashamed of. Whether it is buying an outfit that is ten years out of style or dating someone who has wronged you several times in the past. We will do our best to refrain from talking to anybody about it just to make ourselves feel better about it. The trick is that trust has to be earned. The method to getting someone to trust you or to learn to trust someone isn't set in stone but it is very important for a long-lasting relationship. If you can't find a way to earn someone's trust then perhaps try talking to them about the problem. What is causing them to not trust you or allow you into their lives? What happened that they are closing themselves up instead of letting you in? Take a deeper look because there will always be more to a person than what's on the surface. Once you take a look beyond the surface, you learn more about someone that you might never have known had you not taken the initiative to find out something new. Everyone is beyond excited to ask how each person is doing when in reality, they aren't interested. It can be a way of making conversations or getting you to respond to them. That would be a way to get them distracted from something and making you feel heard is not what they cared about at all. Trust is one of the biggest keys to life. It unlocks your mind and heart to other people, other experiences, other avenues in the world and who you want to be in the future. Maybe you didn't want to let someone in because you were hurt too many times in the past or you didn't want to trust them because they made you feel uncomfortable about being yourself when you are around them. Having a genuine connection with all kinds of people is so difficult to find, especially in this generation.  Being able to say that you found people that you trust deeply and want to experience life with is rare. It should be appreciated at all times because you won't find that everywhere in the world anymore. These days, all people care about is succeeding and they have no care in the world for how it affects somebody else. Take everything in this life with a grain of salt because not everything will be there to make your life happier or easier. That's just the way the world works. Expecting to have an easy life with no challenges is beyond insanity. Then the other thing about earning trust is the fact that trusting too much can also be a huge no no everywhere. If you are too trusting of people, that can cause a huge amount of pain and stress in your life. This is because not everyone is a good person. You can't allow others to ruin your life because you're a sweet person that trusts everybody else. It isn't illegal to be kind and trusting but it should be to be too trusting of everybody. It causes a lot of heartache from backstabbers and manipulators. They can convince you that they are good people and that they have your best interest at heart, then they will turn around and stab you in the back the first moment they get. Most of us turn cold from all of the disappointment. Others stay vulnerable because they are sure that they will meet amazing people in the future. Then you get the few that are going back and forth with each of those. You don't know when to be cold and when to be vulnerable but you are good at being both. Choosing to make sure that your heart, soul, mind and peace if protected first before allowing anyone else into your life is imperative for our survival and functioning of a happy life. Regardless of what they say, whether they are begging you to let them into your life or them running away from you trying to have them let you into theirs, trust is what has to be earned and shows you the red flags of others. You can see exactly who each person is when you aren't quick to trust them all. This way, you notice what they say and in what tone too. It practically makes you observant and that's the best part.