The beast within me restored my inner peace

Chapter Twelve: Take Note Of The Signs

I mentioned a couple chapters ago that red flags are ignored because we enjoy pretending that we are colour-blind to ignore all of the red flags that we see even though they are signs that you shouldn't be with that person. Taking note of them is what could save your life one day. Whether it is that they are a slob or a evil person, red flags are basically the person showing you who they truly are. We just ignore it because we build up how we see the person in our minds so we don't think of the reasons not to be with them. We tell ourselves that they will change for the better because we see potential in them but who are we kidding? Also mentioned a few chapters ago, people don't change unless they want to. Making your life easier won't start by choosing to overlook the bad things that people do just because there's a hint of goodness in them. Been guilty of that too. Telling yourself that they do bad things but they aren't bad people doesn't take away the fact that they did bad things to begin with. When doing bad things to someone who loves you becomes a habit, you have to stop making excuses for them. TAKE NOTE OF THE SIGNS when someone shows them to you. Don't choose not to see them in the hopes that they will change for the better eventually. How long will it take? A year? 2 years? 3? However long it takes, don't sit around waiting for them to make that change for the better because you deserve to be around people who are sure of their character and personality. Those that aren't easily influenced by others and other people's opinions. Maybe we can look at it from a different angle. If someone has the ability to completely disregard your health, well-being and safety for their own personal advantage... Is that really love? Whether you're dealing with your mother or your cousin or your friends...the key words are trust, respect, communication, comprehension, appreciation, understanding, and a few others. How else would you grow a relationship with anyone? Taking note of the signs that someone isn't for your present and future is imperative as I can't reiterate enough. Once I had a very good friend who was struggling with a few things emotionally and psychologically. She would hurt herself with hair pins and elastic bands intentionally during school time. I tried to help her and tell her that what she was doing wasn't okay. She needed to talk to at least somebody about what she was going through and being her closest friend at the time, I hoped she would at least speak to me about it so I could try to help her through what she was experiencing. Yet she chose to take the high road and call me a bully. She became better friends with someone else because that person wouldn't want to help her, she would give her attention...Asking her why she would do that and treating her like she was having all the attention on her. Not that it's a bad thing to do that, but she did it to feed on the attention. Her family wasn't interested in showing her any attention unless it was to tear down her spirit, saying awful things about her body and that I should teach her to exercise more. That disgusted me more than anything but she didn't want me to give them a piece of my mind. So instead of getting help, she fed on the attention that her friend gave her. Then it turned into starving herself. She wouldn't eat lunch at school and she would "forget to eat before coming to school in the morning" literally everyday. All of us noticed how she would have a different story every day but they had the same routine. We even tried explaining her story back to her then she would have a different story every time. She would change it every five minutes. That's how we knew she was lying and intentionally starving which is dangerous for your health. So I couldn't afford to get her breakfast and I wasn't exactly able to make sure she had dinner at home, but I gave her my lunch every afternoon. It didn't matter to me to not eat lunch because my body still had something from breakfast to settle my stomach until dinner. I tried making sure that she ate that meal every lunch time, that she was assured every day that she could speak to me about anything, but it ended in such a way that she told people that I was bullying her. Then the very people she spoke the absolute worst about, who treated her like garbage for years, who like to manipulate everyone and then call them friends, all became her best friends once again and that's when all of the signs added up. A walking red flag will deny that they are because they enjoy the attention they get from other red flags. Interesting isn't it? Sometimes people aren't looking for someone to help them but someone to treat them like glass that will shatter at any moment. That brings them all the attention in the world. Honestly, it's a sad thing to say that some people enjoy living that way. We aren't able to help people who don't want to be helped and making sure that you take note of the signs they show you, it will help everyone understand much quicker. Understanding your place in people's lives makes things less stressful and frustrating. You can always be there for someone from a distance. Try not to take it personally when they deny help over attention, that has everything to do with issues that they are dealing with and nothing to do with you. Seeing the signs that you shouldn't be in someone's life isn't that difficult. What's difficult is understanding why they're there and why you should keep your distance.