The beast within me restored my inner peace

Chapter Five: Not Broken But Traumatized

Ever had PTSD from a toxic relationship? Try having it from 3. There are too many reasons why I would not recommend dating in today's world because too many people are seriously not built for being with others. I dated someone who was so in love with himself and believed that a women should cook, clean and serve him the food while he sits in bed. Keep in mind that even though I don't have a problem with the women who choose to do that, he wasn't interested in doing anything in the relationship. Why are some men like this? They believe that women should do everything and they should sit back and relax... Yeah... No. I've been so traumatized from past relationships that the thought of being in a serious, long-term relationship makes my insides feel as if they are trying to jump to my outsides. Is that normal? Something that made me realize that I am traumatized was that I have certain things that needs to be on while I sleep, otherwise I get panic attacks and can't breathe. Why is it that some people seriously want to screw up our future goals? Those relationships made me not ever want to get married, have kids or anything else. Once I had the time to take a breath and be on my own, I realized that those things are still something that I would want for my future but a lot of people just made the environment so toxic and unbearable that the ideas seemed unrealistic to me. I can at least hope that perhaps the person that ends up changing my mind and dates me one day, that they don't make me want to jump off a cliff. You know, as most relationships do. One of the most common things that people expect is that they think you'll be "broken" after the breakup. Why do you expect them to be broken? Most of us have been mentally detaching for the longest time so when everything finally went down, the heart just had to catch up with the mind. The emotional detaching is the part that really sucks, I'm sure that I've mentioned it before. Something that helps a lot is getting engaged in a new hobby. You could do all kinds of things to get your mind off of what was and focus on what could be. One of my favorite things to do to pass the time would have to be cooking a recipe. Whether it's a recipe that I've already tried before or that I just felt like doing for the day, it helps me keep my mind occupied for as long as possible. Another thing to try could be drawing. If you can draw sticks or full masterpieces, drawing tends to take hours of the day without you noticing. It's a great way to distract yourself throughout the day or the week. A way to distract yourself without needing to draw or cook, you could try taking up a new exercise or writing down all of the things that you had been thinking or feeling lately. You could try doing wordsearches for a while because those can seriously make the day go by if you do those huge ones. All of these ideas are a good way to distract you from hurting whether it's a breakup or friends that decided they wanted to go missing in action, etc. Being able to make sure that your mind is busy so you don't overthink is very good for the soul. Removing anyone's access to your heart and mind will make you feel so much calmer and at peace. Your inner peace is imperative and your future is your main priority. Many people tend to manipulate and say that they have your best interests at heart but they do not. They do not, don't try and convince me otherwise. Screw what they said. Look at what they did. It's all fun to say this and say this but what are their actions saying about them? Did they say that they will always be there for you and then when the time came, they were nowhere to be seen? Welcome to the people of today. Words seem to be useless and even though you tell everyone that actions speak louder than words, they will still refuse to act on the actions portion and continue to use words until their tongues get hurt. You are allowed to feel your feelings for however long. Whether you feel better in a week, a month, or a year, you will feel better eventually and none of the things you went through will hurt you at all. I have hope in the future of humanity, just not in the generations that I have experienced my life with. Healing from trauma whether it's from a romantic relationship or family relationships can be extremely difficult and take a lot of time but as long as you are taking the time to heal, that is all that matters. Being truthful to yourself and saying that you don't feel alright, but you will be alright soon, that is where things only get better and better with time. The only thing that sucks is that it takes time. We are quite lazy in life thanks to improving technology that makes everything happen so quickly. You get used to having things happen in such a quick amount of time that when it comes to things such as healing from horrible experiences, the fact that it takes a long time can make it worse because we hate waiting for a long period of time for anything anymore. Visit a museum, go swimming, go snorkeling, go skating, go fishing, go dancing, go do what makes you smile and feel good about yourself. Don't feel ashamed of doing things that you enjoy during the healing process. We need to focus on taking all of the moments we experience in life and making them better than we think they could be.