The beast within me restored my inner peace

Chapter Six: A Loss Can Be A Gain

Losing yourself to find yourself is a real thing and it can happen to literally everyone. Knowing that you have to learn to be on your own from a young age is very tough. It was depressing to accept that you have to spend a lot of time on your own but that was until I had a conversation with someone who changed my mind. They said to me that I needed to learn to enjoy spending time with myself. That I had to become comfortable with being on my own and it was the best advice given to me at the time. Learning to enjoy being on my own is what helped me get over people who didn't deserve me in their lives. Losing someone you loved doesn't mean that your life stops there. You will love many people in your life and the real ones will always treat you the right way. By that, I mean that you won't want to escape from them and they won't leave you. The real ones will always stay through the good times and bad times. So when you lose people who only mistreated you and made your life hell... Newsflash honey, that loss can be a gain. You lose the person but you gain the perspective. Everyone that comes into your life either teaches you a lesson or is a blessing. Those that are there for the lessons are the ones that give you the most when they leave. You learn about the person and what you would not want to have in a future relationship. Dating someone who would always cancel plans, makes you appreciate the next person who always makes time to be with you. Being with someone who constantly disrespects you, mistreats you and let's others disrespect you as well will help you notice those red flags immediately in the next person you meet. These lessons are tough to learn but they are worthwhile. Nobody can teach you better than your worst mistakes. Being happy doesn't mean you're being loved. Crying every night doesn't mean that it's worth it. Pretending to be happy with everything in the relationship doesn't mean that they eventually will be better. That was a tough pill for me to swallow, knowing that pretending to be happy wasn't going to make things better in the long-run. When you get to a point where you are fake smiling every day, always feeling a huge weight on your shoulders, and constantly wanting to jump out the window because of frustration... That's when you have been waiting too long to make a change in your life. My mother used to ask me one question for years. It was along the lines of: "Is he worth it?" and my answer was always yes until I took a step back. Looking at the situation from another point of view made me realize how screwed up the relationship had been for years. When someone knows the things that truly traumatized you for as long as you can remember and they still do it repeatedly, that person doesn't love you. I don't care how many times that person says that they love you and want what's best for you. If they had the audacity to invade your personal boundaries countless times just for their own selfish reasons, that's not love. Them trying to convince you that it was not that big of a deal and that they will change even when they don't, that is manipulation and gaslighting at its finest. All of these things can bring you to a stop in life to process all of the messed up things you experienced. Yet it also teaches you how to read the signs much faster and cut them off immediately when the red flags pop up. This is why I'm saying that a loss can be a gain. Yes you lost someone you would have wanted to spend your life with but you gained the self-respect, love, happiness, relief and pure bliss that you were searching for. Being able to say that you found yourself without needing anybody else to ruin your peace is the greatest feeling ever. You will find however, that it will offend the people who don't appreciate you. It will always offend the people who were never going to make an effort to hear that you are doing better without them. Life doesn't have to be exhausting, stressful, and frustrating all the time. It might have its challenges but it should not make you feel like you want to rip every strand of hair out if your head on a daily basis. Luckily, most people evacuate the first chance they get. The other few that are not as lucky, need to get hit in the head a few times before they can fully grasp the intensity of the situation. We have to lose people to find ourselves in the best way. Don't get me wrong, feeling relief after leaving someone is the best thing you can get but that doesn't mean you don't love them anymore. Sometimes the unnecessary stress and strain from them or the people around them is too toxic and you just need to love yourself more to protect yourself from that energy. Protecting your energy and your peace is more important than trying to show someone that they need to love you as much as you love them or even a fraction of the amount. Not everyone you love will want to show you that they love you in return because they already have you. That's where things get tricky and make you never want to date again. How can you trust in this generation? Know how Selena Gomez said: "I needed to lose you to love me" and that made us feel connected knowing that we have experienced that as well? Losing someone isn't a loss when you find yourself because of it. That is ultimately the biggest gain that you could ever have. Without a doubt.