The beast within me restored my inner peace

Chapter Eleven: Living In The Present

Don't be so focused on the future that you miss what's happening in the present. That is the most exhausting thing to witness and experience. Being around people who are more concerned about saying things such as: "One day this" and "One day that", it gets tiresome. It isn't a bad thing to want to talk about the future but when talking about the future all the time becomes not caring about what's happening right now... That is beyond insanity to me. My grandfather found out that he was diagnosed with cancer when I was 1 years old. He kept it a secret for 10 years until it had progressed so much that there was nothing the doctors could do to save him. The pain of knowing that you had something so awful and yet keeping a brave face, that stubbornness and that courage... I both admire him for it and hate it for it all the same. For the sake of wishing I had more time to get to know him. But something he taught me was living in the now because of how much importance he found in showing us to appreciate the present. He always taught me not to take life for granted and to be happy that I have such a big heart. My grandfather made sure that growing up, I learned to appreciate the little things in life. He would take me to the Flea Market and would show me every antique they had on every stall. To make me see the beauty in the simple things. Something that everybody disregards because they believe that everything has to be magnificent and earth-shockingly huge. What about the little details that so many of us miss? All of the things that make life so much more precious. I never understood why my grandfather was so sure that living in the present was that important until I learned the story of my grandmother. She passed away at 45 years old, so I never got the pleasure of meeting her. Everyone spoke so well of her and my grandfather loved her more than anything. Perhaps that's why he didn't run from impending death, because he knew that he would make the most of the time that he had left with the people he loved so that soon he can be reunited with his love of his life. I think back to his 70th birthday, his last birthday alive, he wanted to take a photo with me. In my mind I wondered, "Why does Pa want to take a photo? We can take one another time", whilst he knew that there might not be another time to take one together. When we took that picture together, he held me so tight that it almost hurt. It never occurred to me why he never wanted to stop hugging me that night. But he knew that we wouldn't have the rest of the future for any hugs and photos. What the most painful thing was... Had to be knowing that he knew more than we all did and refused help for it. He passed away months after that. It was our last happy memory together as my second cousin passed away in a car crash the month after his birthday. Attending two funerals in less than three months and then getting your periods in the same year... That is never something you want to even think about happening but it did. Thanks to everything my grandfather taught me, he taught me to appreciate the present even though we are looking forward to the future. It also taught me that we should treat others with respect and love. That's why it hurts knowing that the people you love had done such awful things in the past towards you. Then you live your life without them and build who you are. Taking the time to forget about the past whilst remembering the lessons. Looking forward to the future but not neglecting the present. Don't be afraid of living your life just because of past mistakes. As mentioned in chapter 1, fear of failure shouldn't hold you back from a successful future. It was difficult learning to live in the present but once you learn how to adapt and cope with the now whilst being excited for the future, life becomes a much brighter experience. You become prepared for the future challenges whilst enjoying the present experience. There is nothing worse than someone planning your life for you when you can barely take a breath for yourself. Controlling someone's future just shows how helpless you felt in your past. Trying to make sure that without a shadow of a doubt, they will have a future, because you didn't get that chance is fine. As long as they are the one making the choices in their own lives and not you. Making your own choices in your own life once you've reached the age of 20 years old isn't illegal. Controlling your children's lives after they've turned 20 should be. But nevertheless, whenever I have children one day, they will never suffer from being so controlled that they won't be able to navigate life on their own. It took the longest time but letting my parents get to know who I am now, showed them that they can trust me to make my own decisions and that if I need help, I wont hesitate to ask but they won't overstep. That is real parenting. Learning to allow your family the chance to embrace the present and look forward to the future together. We don't know what the future holds so why make permanent plans on the unknown? That only brings extra stress and anxiety over a overlapping time line. Life isn't about bringing extra strain on yourself to make sure that everything happens perfectly the way you want it to. That's the beauty of life, things change all the time and that's why we have to take note of what goes on in the present to prepare for the future.