The beast within me restored my inner peace

Chapter Nine: Change Is Inevitable

People change for better or for worse. You just have to make sure that you have people in your life that are only changing for the better. One of the toughest things that I have ever experienced in my life was watching the love of my life turn into someone that I barely recognized. Having to witness them becoming the person they swore they never would be has the power to change you as a person as well. Knowing that they took advantage of you whilst being fully conscious of their actions... It changes you as a person. Knowing the things that you know now, would you have done the same things in the past or completely avoided it? If I had the chance to meet certain people knowing what I know today, I would walk right past them. That way so much trauma and heart ache can be prevented for everyone and perhaps we'd be better people because of it. Changing is something we can't control but if it's not a good change then is it really worth it? You aren't supposed to be forced to change into someone with a cold heart in order to protect yourself from those with careless behaviours. Losing my grandfather at the age of 11 years old definitely changed me. It was my first experience in person of how a death in the family can change the entire family. It taught me that blood doesn't make you related, it's loyalty that makes you a family. Without that loyalty, and watching them choose to disappear definitely changes everything in your life. When your parents are in the process of getting divorced from when you are 4 years old, it makes you observant and changes you a lot. It changed my perception of life and people. It showed me that even though we idolize people as we are young, they are plainly just people and people have ugly sides to their personalities whether we like it or not. It is one of the changes that taught me to search for a relationship that is equal towards both partners. If one person chooses to show their appreciation for the other then it is only natural that the other person put in effort as well. So many things happen in our lives that changes us. Seeing a best friend turn to a stranger changes us to not expecting everyone to stay in our lives. Finding out that a husband or wife cheated on their significant other changes us to fearing infidelity in our future relationships especially if it gets serious. Meeting a lot of cruel, miserable and narcissistic people changes you to expect that from everyone you meet. It also changes you in such a way that you feel doubtful when meeting people who are genuinely kind. It makes you wonder when the people are going to show you the one thing you wait for that shows you they can't be trusted. Living your life around distrustful people changes your expectations of everyone. You expect the worst and hope for the best but you know that people tend to disappoint. Loving people who change for the worst changes the way you feel about relationships. It makes you trust less, be more cautious, love in a limited manner and not be as open as you used to be. That sort of change is heart breaking to witness and mind-boggling to experience. Growing pains suck. Trying to navigate life after all of the changes yiu had to endure is never easy. You have to make use of all of the things you learned in the time that you have been learning them. Never ever make the decision to change your life when you are going through a huge process yourself. That's when your mind is adjusting to all of the new things you have figured out. Why do we have to go through horrible things in order to change for the better? It sucks that we have to struggle through a lot of hardship just to find who we want to be one day. Why can't it be a sudden epiphany whilst relaxing at a beach at one of the fancy holiday resorts people always brag about? It's never something simple like ripping off a small bandage. Always has to have something to do with the feeling of tearing out bullet fragments from a fresh wound. Never easy and always tiresome. At least they say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. But I believe that what doesn't kill you makes you want to lose your temper with every person that tries to disrespect you. That is one of the changes that we go through. Seeing things in life that caused you pain, that changes your mindset. It teaches you not to tolerate anyone's bullshit and a temper can sometimes be an added thing to it. Knowing what you deserve because of what you give is a painful thing in this world. They say that knowledge is power but sometimes knowing too much can hurt you more. Knowing that certain people are only there for finding information and then the person you're trying to show that to doesn't believe you, it hurts a lot. Maybe one day they will see that the people closest to them are not there with good intentions. The other thing is that maybe you just learn to move on without being able to see that they are safe from fools trying to ruin their lives. Having to change from caring about someone to living separate lives is something nobody wants to experience. When you have spent such a long time trying to protect someone and show them to be careful with the people they surround themselves with, it's difficult to leave and let them figure it out for themselves. That's where it can change us as people too. Using the time to enjoy your own life and doing the things you wished you did before. Like writing books, doing meditation, starting 30 day fitness challenges, and catching up on series.