jenlisa one shots & short stories

Say Something

Lisa can't breathe. She can't think. She can't concentrate. She's barely there at all. Somehow she's still on her feet, no matter how much they're trembling, no matter how much she wants to collapse on the floor. She hasn't spoken. She's not sure she can't get words out past the clog in her throat, and even then she's not quite sure she trusts the words her brain would pick to say anyway.

Her face is plastered into a smile, one she hopes doesn't look as obviously fake as it feels, but she still can't breathe. She feels like the world has crumbled on her chest. Maybe it has. There's no doubt in her mind that her entire world shattered the moment Jennie spoke those words.

I'm getting married.

She's getting married. Jennie is getting married and what's Lisa supposed to say? What's she supposed to say when her chest feels like it's about to cave in and she has no will left to stop it? Maybe she should have told Jennie that she hated Kai the moment she met him, probably even the first time she heard his name. Maybe she should have told Jennie that she thinks this is a bad decision, that she thinks Kai isn't right for her, that they should have given it more time before they got engaged, that everyone silently agrees that Kai isn't worthy of her.

Maybe she should have told her that she loved her.

Maybe Lisa, in some last ditch attempt to save her sanity, should have outright admitted that she'd had a crush on Jennie since the first day they met in college. Maybe Lisa should have told her that she had been in love with her since she missed a day and Jennie brought her copies of all her notes - doodles and all. She should have been honest. She should have said the words I'm in love with you or I've wanted you for five years or some amalgamation of both.

Just in case it meant something.

Just in case it would stop the ceaseless hammering in her chest as her heart rampaged in its cage.

Instead she says, "Congratulations," in a voice she hopes is convincing enough. It must be if the way Jennie flings herself into her arms is anything to go by. It makes it worse. The way Jennie holds on for dear life. The way she wraps her warmth around Lisa like a blanket, one that Lisa knows will blow away the moment the snowstorm hits, and she'll be left feeling nothing but cold, haunted by what she once had. Lisa still hugs back. Still clutches onto Jennie like she won't have to let go, like maybe if she hugs hard enough she'll wake up in a world where this isn't happening, where she can be forever consumed by an ineffable warmth.

It doesn't work.

Jennie pulls away.

"Thank you for not laughing. Jisoo laughed. She said that she thought I was joking." If only. If only this was all some elaborate prank and someone would rush out of her bedroom with a camera. If only Jennie would do that adorable laugh of hers when she couldn't quite manage to get through telling a joke. If only she had the courage to laugh herself. If only she was brave enough to tell Jennie that this whole thing was ridiculous, that the fact that she had put up with Kai for a year was already ridiculous, but that this was something else entirely.

If only...

"I'm sure that's just Jisoo being Jisoo." Jennie nods quietly, mulling over Lisa's words. They both know she'll let it go, just like she always does when Jisoo scoffs at Kai's presence under her breath, or makes thinly veiled comments about his suitability. It's what Lisa loves most about Jisoo. That, and the fact that they are the undefeated champions of charades at game night (five years of being the self appointed chief members of the 'Protect Jennie Kim' squad had left them rather attuned to one another).

Jennie bounces back to excitement quickly, and Lisa doesn't think she's seen her this excited since she got her first cover story - the one Lisa had handed to her on a silver platter because she was a fantastic business woman, might she add. Lisa won't ruin this for her. Lisa won't be the one to make this fall apart. Lisa can smile, and smile, and push her feelings down deeper than they've ever been.