Be Mine, Always

Chapter Three

Melody’s POV~ Present Day

        The skies are gray, the color of Xander's eyes, clouds so dark they are almost black, hovering in the distance. A storm is coming, not even just a physical one, but a metaphorical one. All night I was up, thinking of a way out of this, but I worry if I don’t follow through with breaking up with Nate, Xander or his gang will hurt him. 

        Nate is too sweet to get caught up in my past, he doesn’t deserve to be hurt because my past has come back to take me. My gut roils as I sit at the cafe we usually meet at. I met Nate in college, we were in the same study group and eventually we started hanging outside of the study group. It is easy to be with him, his father is a lawyer and his mother is a pediatrician. He never gets into trouble, inside or outside of school. 

        I like him… a lot. But I know there aren't sparks, I don’t care though. I was just happy to feel something after the void of nothingness that came over me after sending that dreadful letter to Xander. Is it unfair of me to wish that I could’ve stayed with Nate? He deserves someone who makes him feel sparks and who looks at him like he hung the sun, and that someone isn’t me, no matter how much I wish it was. 

        The bell above the entrance door dings and in walks Nate, his curly red hair a mess on top of his head, freckles littering his sweet face. “Mel,” he says with a smile, always with a smile. 

        After Xander was incarcerated I started going by Mel. Anytime someone said my full name I could only think of him. In college I met all new people and when I finally let Xander go I changed my name letting his memory fall into nothing. 

        Nate is smiling as he sweeps me into a long and hard hug and I let myself close my eyes and rest my head on his shoulder, soaking in his sweetness for the last time. Tears sting my eyes as I squeeze him a little tighter. 

        He is such a good guy, I never deserved him. 

        I blink hard and long when he pulls away but it’s too late, he’s already seen my tears. “What’s wrong, Melly?” 

        A weak giggle escapes my throat at the silly name he calls me. Sometimes he calls me smelly Melly, especially right before finals when I was buried under textbooks. His hands cradle my face and his lips graze my forehead. 

        “Can we go outside?” I ask. The cafe is small and I don’t want to embarrass him by breaking up with him in front of an audience. 

        He nods and we head outside walking over to the small gurgling fountain across the street. “Nate… we have to break up.” The words are no more than a whisper leaving my lips. This is the last thing I ever thought I would be doing. 

        For a few minutes he is silent. “Does this have to do with the guy I saw at your house last night?” he asks. 

        For a moment I'm shocked. I didn't know he'd seen Xander. Hell, I hadn't seen him until I was already in the house. 

        My chest deflates. “Yes and no,” I say honestly. 

        His hand creeps into mine and I look up at him, his dark eyes sad. “Will he hurt you? My dad is a lawyer, he can help you.” 

        I shake my head vigorously. “It’s nothing like that… I’m so sorry, Nate.” Sobs wrack my chest and my shoulders tremble with the power of it. 

        He engulfs me in another hug and my resolve falls away as I cry. I don’t deserve to cry, especially not since I am breaking up with him. “Why, Melly?” He whispers. 

        Sniffling, I pull out of his comforting hold and sit on a bench. “The reasons that have nothing to do with him are, you deserve someone who looks at you and just knows that you’re for her. Someone who loves you. And I had hoped that I could be that girl… I’m not.” 

        He smiles sadly, reaching over to wipe at the tears falling down my face. “I hope you find that too. And if that guy is… not good, call me okay? Even if we aren’t together, I’ll protect you.” 

        His sincerity is heart wrenching and I throw my arms around him again, clinging to him for the very last time. “You helped me a lot when I needed it. You helped me feel again, I will never forget that,” I mumble into the soft skin of his neck, his aftershave tickling my nose. “Thank you for everything.” 

        He presses a kiss to my forehead and squeezes me before leaving, making his way to his car. 

        I use the walk back to my trailer to cry, to let out my sorrow, not over the break up, but over the overwhelming past that has come to suffocate me. Xander has crashed into my life without a care as to how I would feel. He is just as arrogant and selfish as he ever was. He doesn’t think of anyone but himself. 

        Rain starts to pitter patter against the pavement and people run for cover under store awnings and take cover in their cars. My heart squeezes at the memory of my first kiss, the rain that had started and quickly became a downpour before we could find shelter. And the giddy enjoyment when we gave up and stood in the downpour, soaked head to toe.. The heady look he had tossed my way. 

        I shake the memory from my mind as I approach my trailer park, he doesn’t deserve anymore of my fond memories. They’re all tainted by his poor choices. 

        Unsurprisingly, I find Xander sitting on my stoop as I approach my run down trailer. Rainy day indeed. 

        “It’s for the best that you end it now. It wouldn’t have been fair to him,” he says as I get closer. 

        “What wouldn’t?” I ask, stopping in front of the stairs to my porch. 

        He gives me a look like I should already know. “When you fall in love with me.” As if it were an inevitability. 

        I roll my eyes and try to push past him to the front door. “You’re so fucking arrogant.” 

        He grabs my arm, halting me in my tracks. “Is it arrogant when it’s true? You’ve always been mine.” He sweeps long hair away from my face. 

        “Not anymore, Xander.” I sound tired, exhausted. 

      
  His free hand reaches up to cradle my face and it’s almost like we are fifteen again. “We were to marry, Melody. You were going to be my wife.” His voice is devastatingly soft. 

        I turn my face from his touch, closing myself off from his stormy gray eyes, raindrops running down my face, masking the rogue tear that makes a trail down my cheek. “That was a teenage fantasy.” 

        His sigh puffs against my face. “You loved me,” he whispers, so quiet I almost don’t hear it with the rolling thunder overhead. 

        Finally I look up at him, at the handsome face I once loved so much, maybe still love with some small part of my fractured heart. The face that has changed so much yet still stayed the same in many ways. “You should’ve thought about that before you left me that night.” I push from his grasp and shut the door in his face.