Be Mine, Always

Chapter Five

Melody's POV~ Present Day        

        It has been raining for 3 days and all three days Xander sat outside. Guilt gnaws on my stomach. He just got out of prison where he no doubt slept in uncomfortable conditions and now he is waterlogged on my front porch. My phone screeches with a tornado watch and my heart drops. I can't leave him out there. 

        I open the door and his head whips in my direction, water sliding down his shaggy hair, I walk away, leaving the door open, the silent offer hanging in the air. He steps into the doorway and looks at the carpet. 

        "I'm very wet." He smiles and the sight of it weakens my knees. He's breathtaking when he smiles. The hard lines ease and the lopsided grin reminds me so much of the boy I loved. 

        My heart twists and I stand far away, fiddling with the coffee maker on the counter. "You can borrow sweat pants from my room. None of my shirts will fit you. There's towels in the hall closet," I explain. The words come out choked and I grip the handle of the coffee maker until my knuckles turn white. 

        His steps are silent as he leaves and I turn on the Tv for ambient noise. I rub the Jasper stone bracelet on my wrist, closing my eyes as I take long deep breaths. I wear a jasper bracelet, clear quartz and amethyst all in hopes that it'll balance out my spirit and ease my inner turmoil. 

        "Do you believe in that stuff?" Xander's gruff voice cuts through my deep breathing and he stands in the hall wearing a loose pair of my sweatpants and no shirt. He is muscular from his time in prison. He's not the only one who's been working off his feelings in the gym. 

        I shrug, sitting on the love seat in front of the television. Xander pads over, sitting beside me, those eyes boring into my soul. "I don't know what I believe," I tell him honestly. There were many nights when I had a panic attack over existential circumstances and he was always there within minutes climbing through my window to hold me through it all.

        I had nothing to believe in and I still don't.

        "You once believed in something," he says, leaning back into the corner of the couch. 

        My brows furrow. He couldn't be referring to the church I attended as a kid. 

        "Love. You once told me that love was the only thing you could believe in, because you felt it every time we were together. You believed in the love you read in those books," He says. 

        My heart throbs painfully in my chest as I recall the night I said that to him. It was after we had made love for the first time. "That was a long time ago, Xander. So many things have changed." Though that is true, my belief in love hasn't changed. 

        "Baby, what can I do?" He splays his hands in front of us pleadingly. 

        My eyes sting and I look away from him. "There is nothing you can do, what's been broken can't be fixed." 

        "Everything can be fixed if you let it," he reasons. 

        Standing up, I put distance between us. "Not this." 

        "Why not, baby?" His voice breaks and hurt builds up in me. 

        "I don't want to talk about this with you," I snap.

        "Let me in, Melody…" 

        I cut him off. "I trusted you. I let you in. I loved you. I let you see every single broken bit of me and you still walked away!" Despite everything between us that I buried, my emotions are still raw. I never got closure. I never got to ask him why being with me wasn't enough to keep him.