Jean's Journal

Entry #87

Day: 12
Month: March
Year: 857

Levi died today. I was in the middle of making tea for the morning when there was a knock on my door. Onyankopon and Falco stood at the door frame looking grim, and I just knew. Levi had finally gone home. According to Falco he had been acting odd the last few days, like he was finally at peace with something. Last night

It's been a long 3 years for Levi after the war ended, and if there was someone who I felt sorry for the most it was Levi. From the time I joined the scouts Levi slowly lost everything they was dear to him. I remember when his entire squad was killed by Annie, I won't ever forget the anguished cries of Petra's father when he was shown her body, one of Oluo's brothers punching Levi in the gut. I also remember how relived my mom was that I made it back in one piece. It was painful but admirable to see Levi continue to move forward, for the goal of freeing humanity. Erwin's death hit him hard. Everyone in the scouts knew that Levi deeply respected the former Survey Corps commander and followed everyone of his orders. To this day I am still unsure why Levi chose Armin over Erwin that day in Shinganshina. He never told anyone but Hange why he made the choice he did, all he said was he made the choice with no regrets, which was apparently something Erwin had told Levi after his first expedition outside the walls (that's all Hange would say). Levi became determined to fulfill his promise to Erwin to take down the beast Titan, even when we allied with Zeke. The next 4 years since then, Levi (and all of us) seemed to have caught a break, no Titans, no battles, no funerals. Then Eren went rouge and we had to raid Libero. Levi and myself were convinced that we could all come back alive. It was subtle but when I told him that Sasha wasn't going to survive, a pained look came across his face. I think I was too caught up in my own grief and shock at the time to notice, but Sasha's death really shook Levi to his core. He sat with her body (along with Connie) all the way back to Libero. He later said he wanted to make sure she came home, and he personally went to the Blaus family, as he did with anyone who was under his leadership. According to hearsay, Levi spent that evening crying in Hange's room.

Then.....Hange was gone. Leaving a broken and damaged Levi alone to face the Rumbling & Eren alone. He became a different man after that. I think losing Hange was his breaking point, and he was more reckless during the battle of Heaven and Earth. In the aftermath, we found him sit up against a rock, tears in his eyes, & he whispered "I saw them", "I saw everyone who dedicated their hearts". Connie and I looked at each other knowing exactly what he had meant. Before he fell over in exhaustion he said "I wanted to go with her....Hange".

The next 3 years passed with Levi just existing. Under the care of Onyankopon living in the rebuilt city of Libero. Falco and Gabi would come and try to keep him company. Although some days, as Falco told me, he was a bit cold to Gabi. I can't really blame him either. Sometimes it's hard to look at her knowing she stole Sasha away from her family, from Connie, & from her friends. He was confined to a wheel chair and could walk short distances with a cane, & lost vision in one eye. Onyankopon said Levi was just shell of a person, who spent most of his time at the port, just staring out at the sea. He seemed to be plagued by nightmares, waking up yelling out people's names, some Onyankopon didn't recognize, and others he was painfully aware of. Onyankopon said he seemed to mutter Hange a lot in his sleep.

I invited Falco & Onyankopon in for tea so we could discuss where to go from here. Falco tells me that the night before he died, Levi had mentioned about something "finally being finished" and that he "could rest now". The next morning, Onyankopon went wake Levi, & found he had died in his sleep. Onyankopon swears his face had a hint of a smile. We discuss that it would be best to take Levi back to Paradis, although with the growing tension, it will be risky. But we know he deserves to be buried with the rest of the scouts, with Erwin, & with Hange. Falco gets up to leave as he is going to the Braun's to inform Gabi and Reiner of Levi's passing. Once he's going Onyankopon gives me a serious look and tells me he doesn't believe that Levi died of "natural causes". Onyankopon tells me that when he went to look for a pulse in his neck, Levi had an odd almond scent on his lips. Onyankopon tells me that he guess that Levi poisoned his evening tea, the almond smell was a smell that was given off by a toxic plant that could be found by the coast of Libero. I wasn't surprised to hear this. I was actually surprised he lasted as long as he did. I felt like Levi kept living to share his story, and the stories of those who had died, in an attempt to achieve peace, but sadly we haven't been very successful. Before he leaves, Onyankopon asks if I will come by late this evening or tomorrow, that he has something from Levi that he said I or Armin would be able to make sense of.

I mourn for Levi (he was adamant about no longer being called Captain), but I also feel a sense of relief for him. I feel like he can finally rest & finally be at peace with the ones he loves. I'm sure Sasha gave him a warm welcome wherever they are at.

It was an honor to service under Levi, and I am a better person for it.

-Jean Kirschtein