Jean's Journal

Entry #96

Day: 4th
Month: April
Year: 857

It's been a day since Gabi asked if she could talk to Connie's killer. Armin and I have been debating the pros and cons. On one hand, it could just make the situation worse, especially if Gabi let's on that she too was a warrior candidate at one point. However, out of all of us, she could probably relate to him the most. A confused kid looking for revenge.

When he finally spoke to us, he said he would only talk to Captain Levi, to which we had to inform him that he had died a month or so ago. After that he stayed quiet. Surprising to all of us, it was Connie's mother who wanted to make sure that he wasn't abused or mistreated, and that he ate every day.

We've kept up that end of the bargain.

We moved the ship further out to see. Paradis is still in sight but it would be much harder for an other Jeagerists to get on board.

After dinner this evening, Armin, Reiner, Annie, Onyonkapon, and myself spent the evening trying to figure out how to get friends and family off of Paradis. It was obvious that the Queen's protection wasn't going to hold for much longer. I got a message to my family telling them to be ready to leave at a moments notice. We all agreed that Mikasa would be Armin's responsibility.

After spending what felt like hours in the common area of the ship, I went out side for some air. I'm exhausted and still haven't really processed that another friend is gone.

I filled my pipe with some pipe weed, and leaned against the railing, taking in the warm spring air. Suddenly a voice behind me made me jump.

"Didn't take you for a pipe smoker Jean"

It was Niccolo, who had stayed on the ship with us after Connie's funeral, wanting to help evacuate our friends and families, and would help the Blaus escape Paradis.

"Picked up the habit about a year ago, helps me relax"

Niccolo laughed and pulled out a cigarette and lit it, "I know what ya mean".

There was some silence between us. Until Niccolo broke the ice. "Jean...I'm sorry about Connie. He was truly a good man", he took a drag, "I hope he and Sasha are happy, where ever they are".

I turned to look at Niccolo, after Sasha had died Connie and I had agreed to not tell Niccolo about Sasha and Connie's relationship. "What good would it do" I remember Connie saying with a hollow voice.

"How?? How did you know????" I stammered, almost dropping my pipe.

Niccolo laughed, "about a year and and half ago, Connie came by to see Kaya, I came back to the house because I had forgotten my shopping list, and I overheard them talking, apparently Kaya had found a box with mementos, love letters, and Connie came clean".

"I....Niccolo we just thought it was best not to tell you, we all kinda knew how you felt, and we didn't want to cause you anymore pain".

Niccolo laughed, "was I that obvious?"

I chuckled, "just a little bit, I mean you almost killed a kid over her"

Niccolo frowned, "it's something I deeply regret, I don't think I'll ever forgive myself for that".

"I almost shot Gabi, that night she killed Sasha, Connie almost fed Falco to a titan, until Armin talked some sense into him" I told him.

"We all committed sins we aren't proud of", I continued.

"We all have a Devil inside of us", Niccolo said let out a breath of smoke.

"You know I should have caught on when Connie would always come to the restaurant with her", he said. "But Sasha truly did help me discover my true passion in life, and I will forever be grateful to her. She was truly one of a kind"

I feel tears unexpectedly prick in my eyes. "Yeah she was" feeling a dull ache in my chest.

"Connie was a lucky guy", Niccolo said. "At least I didn't make a fool of myself, confessing my feelings to her when she returned from Libero", he said with a sad laugh.

I looked at Niccolo, "her heart may have belong to Connie, but her stomach belong to you, you really did make her some of the best food she has ever had, and she truly did care for you as a friend".

Niccolo chuckled at bit, "you are right, my cooking was much better than anything you or Connie could have made".

I laugh, "I wouldn't say that, I make a mean omelette, actually beat her in a cooking competition once".

I proceeded to share with Niccolo the story of Sasha and I going head to head in a battle of culinary wits, Sasha riding in on a big boar, making the omelette my mother use to make for me as kid. Pixis declaring me the winner.

"So what's the plan for the kid? Bozard is it?" Niccolo asked tossing his finished cigarette over the railing.

I let out a sigh, "I don't know, Gabi wants to talk to him, but Armin and I don't know if that's a good idea"

"Doesn't sound like a bad idea, if anyone might understand him it would be her", Niccolo said. He turned to go, "one child killer to another ya know".

We bid each other good night.

I finished up my pipe, and stared up at the sky, wondering what Marco would do.

-Jean Kirschtein