Jean's Journal

Entry 128

Day: 1st
Month: September
Year: 857

I'm sure by this point you are wondering what we did with that kid who killed Connie.

In short...nothing. Per Connie's mother we let him out of the cell on the ship, and let him have a small room, guarded. But he was allowed to have meals with us, spend time on the deck. He seemed to enjoy spending time with Gabi, someone he found kinship with. The two, under the watchful eye of Falco, would spend time on the deck talking.

I laugh a little, thinking of Falco. He jealously reminds me that he is only a teenager, and I'm glad he's getting to spend his teen years being a teen, unlike myself.

We got back to port of Saint Helios. The new island most of us refugees from Paradis and Marley, along with other countries affected by the rumbling had established new lives.

At this point Aidan's parents and siblings  were waiting for them, brought from another refugee ship.

They were relieved to see their son was not in irons.

Their was no trial, no tribunal. Connie's mother wouldn't allow it, she said she would do everything in her power to prevent anything from happening to him.

"Haven't we seen enough death" she had said. "It's clear they have already lost one son to war, one to fanaticism, what good would shooting one do in the name of revenge"

I will be honest. There was a small part of my that had the same rage and anger against Gabi the night Sasha died. But knowing Connie he wouldn't want to seek revenge on a kid, who was fueled by grief and anger.

He ran to his parents, with tears in his eyes and he embraced them. I noticed there were only 2 boys with the Bozards. I could see the relief in their eyes having their brother back.

I never had any siblings, but Sasha and Connie were like family to me, so deep down, I can understand their relief.

Unfortunately just like with Gabi, there will always been a bit of resentment in my heart towards him. Gabi took away my sister, Aiden my brother.

It was almost surreal watching Connie's mother interact with the Bozard family.

It reminded me of when the Brauns first met the Blaus family. It was a tense atmosphere. The Blaus' family has invited the Brauns to their new ranch for dinner, we were invited. The Brauns were so surprised by the hospitality of the Blaus' and how kind they had been to Gabi. They shared stories of Sasha, talked about how much Gabi was like Sasha, and how brave and courageous both girls were. It wasn't until after dinner tea when Gabi's mother broke down. I don't know if it was Kaya getting up to leave the room, having a wave of grief take over. But it was as if Gabi's mother could see the pain her daughter had caused. She sobbed into her hands, apologizing. Gabi could only look at her feet.

Lisa set her tea down and got up and placed her arm around the sobbing woman. She whispered quite words of comfort, gently rubbing her arm. She expressed that they weren't angry, they were never angry, they understood Gabi was a child, defended her home. Artur basically gave the same advice he didn't all those years ago in the restaurant. "We were glad to have Gabi escape that forest that Sasha couldn't get out of" he had said.

I cried myself to sleep that night. Same as I will tonight. During the battle of Heaven and Earth, I had thoughts of wanting to die. I sometimes still have those thoughts. I've lost one a care about, my best friends, my commander, my former captain. Sometimes I just wish I could sleep, have Marco appear in my dreams as he does sometimes. However, instead of fading away as he does when my dreams end, he would extend his hand, telling me it's time to come home pulling me into his arms. Being reunited with my friends. No more worries of pending war, failed peace talks, being drug into Mikasa's grief...

But I remember Hange's words to me, after Sasha had died. "We must keep moving forward. We must keep living for them. For the sacrifice they made"

So I keep moving forward, even if at times I feel like I'm being drag along.

It gave me hope to see Mrs. Springer be so kind and warm to the Bozard family. Understanding their grief and pain, their sadness and loss.

It motivates me to keep going, to try and help humanity heal, instead of reopening old wounds again.

But, I do wait for the day that Marco comes for me.

Jean Kirschtein