100422 23:27
i've always wanted to disappear. my dream is to live with my partner in a cozy house in the woods, far away from everyone with no connection to the outside world.
a lot of people talk about how refreshing it is to delete everything and take a "social media cleanse" but i honestly haven't seen a difference.
i was really looking forward to that feeling of relief and disconnect that everyone else emphasized. deleting it all hasn't made the impact i've been anticipating.
i thought this would be a compromising way to disappear. i wouldn't have to actually stop talking to the people i felt deserved to be in my life, but i didn't need to connect with anyone else either. it's not the relief i yearn for.
the only thing i can take from all of this is that if i want to disappear and be alone, i need to fully commit to it.
then i started to doubt myself.
how could i abandon everyone that i've cared so much for? how could i see myself as someone that gave so much to others when i am willing to completely disappear from their lives? am i willing to?
maybe because of the way that i was, i am now the way that i am.
maybe because i gave so much to others while hardly receiving a sliver of reciprocity, then i have turned into the type of person that is willing to cut all ties and not care for anyone anymore.
maybe this really is all just a dream that i'll never allow myself to reach because i'm unsure of its worth.
i want to disappear. i want to have no care for anything or anyone. i want to only care for myself. i want to have a small list of priorities.
right?
YOU ARE READING
The Forgotten Journals III
PoetryPart Three of "The Forgotten Journals" Series. "My bounty is as boundless as the sea, My love as deep; the more I give to thee, The more I have, for both are infinite." (Act II, scene ii) Roméo & Juliet
