The Forgotten Journals III

interpersonal.

7/23/18

I'm in love with the idea of the most perfect, imperfect person. They enter my dreams when I'm having a good week, and wreak havoc in my nightmares when it's the complete opposite.

I've made up this person in my head and I can't tell if they're male or female. Most times they're a she. But I won't deny that there are times where they're a he. I guess that's what I've based my sexuality on.

This person whom is all part of my imagination is the person I write about. The stories and timelines I make up in my head are figments of my imagination with this person. They appear in my dreams but I've never seen their face. Or maybe I have, I've just forgotten by the time I wake up.

I've wondered if the person I've made up is actually a real person. The real person I'll end up being with. I've theorized that when I dream of him/her, they're dreaming of me too. And when I have nightmares about them, it's because they're not okay.

This person I've created in my head is what keeps me from going insane. I write about them as if I personally know them in some other universe, but I'm pretty sure they're the same as an imaginary friend, except to me, they're my imaginary soulmate. Does that make me lonely? Probably.

This imaginary person makes mistakes a lot, and we argue almost all the time, but we end up making up because I can't handle not having them by my side. I wish the real people in my life would do the same. We listen to the same music together, and talk about the most random topics when we're alone. Maybe this person isn't a figment of my imagination, maybe it's my conscience or inner self that I've morphed into a person within my mind. There's a lot of maybes.

Some of what I write, I take from other's experiences and my own. Majority of the time, I write about him/her. I write about what it'd be like to personally know them and long for them. I write about adventures we'd go on if we were different people. I write about them breaking my heart, then fixing it again. I write about all the things I want in a person and I take those adjectives from real people in my life.

I write about an imaginary person, but they're the realest person I know.

(This isn't real, it's an old idea for a book but I thought it was cool that I wrote this and it is coincidental with what's going on in my life right now.)