FOUL PLAY (book one)

CHAPTER TWELVE

it had been two years since my escape. I had not seen my family since and I was even starting to forget how they even looked; I'd already forgotten I how my father looked or sounded and that was ohk. at least I remembered how much he loved us, or did he really. he had shunned away from me as soon as I had come out as transgender. I had gotten a job as a waitress and had cleaned up real nice. I was still on drugs but not as badly as I was before. I was in a town where no one knew me and that's how I liked it. I had cute off all my hair and had gotten piercings and eye contacts. I kept my head down and avoiding talking to people. what a world we live in don't you think. we walk around with so much fear and regrets that we all feel so alone even when in a crowd of people. no trust for the police and no trust for the next person. in fact some of us have no trust in ourselves too. we fear the things we can't change and yet we plaster on a smile and act all brave. funny. maybe if everyone showed their cards we would solve a lot of problems together; but then again everyone has a agenda. everyone is so greedy to be rich they loose all their humanity. and it's sad. in the end the poor and rich are all going in the same ground or ashes blown in the same wind to land on the same soil. and then? was it all worth it in the end? that's the question people often don't ask themselves. we fear the truth so much we recreate it, search for bible verses and quotes to support our stupidity and lie to ourselves that it was the right choice but then this nagging voice in our head tells us we were wrong and that's when it hits us, when we in hospital funding out we have cancer or in courting filing our divorce...thats when we fully and out right admit we made bad choices based on desire not need, based on how society views us and not what makes us happy. and sometimes it's too late.

i was wiping tables and making coffee when I saw someone who looked familiar...where had I seen you? my past life had become such  blur I had forgotten most things but then it clicked. Nick. Nathan. that's who he was and he looked me straight in the eyes and smiled. "Kate" he smiled as he read my name tag. he placed his order and I tried to act cool. I was hoping he wouldn't recognise me. he ate his food and left without hinting anything. I let out a breath I didn't realise I was holding. as soon as my shift was over i walked home looking around me feeling so paranoid. I got home and unlocked the door and switched on  the light breathing heavily. "hello Ruth." I screamed as he pressed his palm over my mouth and stiffled my scream. "you really thought I wouldn't find you? nice new name by the way Kate. I'm not here to kidnap you.  the guards had told me we were one person short and I knew it was you that was missing. I saw you in the forest that night. I told you I love you and I don't want to hurt you any more." he left money on the table and left. not hurt me? at least he hasn't kidnapped me. I was so anxious and paranoid but I just shut it out and continued with my life. I felt so much older than I actually was. just two years ago I and been so excited and scared to start school and now here I was. working a job to try  and keep me alive. trying to avoid falling in the loop. the loop is what everyone is in. they mind wash us to a point where we do everything on repeat fearing change and more afraid of making rash decisions. every day we wake up and do the same thing, go to work or school and do the same thing and then come back home and repeat the cycle tomorrow and when someone breaks out of the loop our minds are so OCD trained that we find the need to correct them or tame them. funny don't you think. we stuck in a cycle that we don't see yet we do it endlessly and not benefit an inch. we hate it yet we continue doing it.