FOUL PLAY (book one)

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

rehab was tough but it was coming to an end for me. I had been clean for four months. I looked different and even felt different. in the rehab I had learnt so much. they tell us that we first have to admit we addicted so that we can actually work on the problem at hand. and I knew for years I was addicted. I spent months crying and vomiting, coming down from the drugs with a hard bang. I was getting meds for my multiple personality disorder and I was getting the help I needed. it was great really. I left that rehab center with more than I had come with. i was renting a place with the money I got from Nathan. he had somehow found me again and had paid for everything. I was scared of the way he always found me. I didn't have a phone and I was basically off the grid so how did he find me all the time? being in organised crime gave him ins to a lot of things I guess so in the end there really is no way out once you in. sometimes you get lucky like me. my heart wouldn't allow me to keep running from him so eventually I was with him again. after all I went through with him he was still willing to help and see me through it. maybe he was my soulmate, if you believed in that sort of thing.  after rehab I had to undergo chemotherapy and that was on the same pain level as coming down from years of cocaine. vomiting and crying. I had lost all my hair but I was getting better. I had undergo surgery for my genitalia and now had a vagina. I couldn't fall pregnant but that was ohk, I finally felt like someone. who i was meant to be. Jace had found me too. he didn't recognise me and I didn't want him too. I knew where he lived and worked but I kept my distance. Nathan came and took care of me once again. why did he do that? why didn't he just killed me? I'd asked him one day. "because I realised I loved you more than I loved myself or my brother and now I want to protect you. I didn't want anyone else to have you. I still dont. you are mine and I will always find you no matter how far you run. that brand on your back is not just a brand it's a tracker. I've always known where you were at all times. and I always will know." that was toxic I know but we all want a love that wants us. no conditions and fully. maybe I just wanted love that I didn't even care who it was from as long as it accepted me and took care of me. sad if you ask me but most of us find ourselves in these situations. in love with the people we hate but we can't move on from them because we "love" them. it's tough loving someone more than yourself. they become number one and that's bad but that's what us humans do. make someone more important than ourselves then later find out how bad that is.
my life was going so smoothly for the first time. no kidnapping no rape no hiding and no running bit I should've known trouble comes in threes and the third blow will always leave you breathless. Nathan had come over later than usual and he had looked bothered but chose not to tell me what was going on. I ignored the bad feeling and just enjoyed his company. he'd asked me so much times how much and how badly I wanted to be a mother and this night was no different. little had I known. the next trouble came the next morning. I saw Jace and Nathan talking as I strode to the library. how did they know each other? when I came in the afternoon I found a baby in my house with a note. "look after her." and that was it. no name nothing. only one person had the key to my apartment...Nathan.  how was I going to raise a child? I don't even know the first thing. and breast milk? baby food? changing a diaper?  but instinct kicks in. which is a usual with humans. when in fear one instincts kick in. we loose sense of everything and our instincts take over, leaving us running on a sort of high. this was going to be a challenge but I had over come so much worse. I thought Nathan would help with the baby but a few weeks passes without him coming and I knew I was on my own. i had gotten a job and my neighbour took care of the child. how did he expect me to take care of a child who had no documents?  she basically not born in the eyes of the law. be careful what you wish for.