Subdued - A Shiva Pandya Story

Trapped behind a mask

Current day:

" So Shiva, what happened and please no back and forth, its 3.42am and my hot chocolate is on my kitchen counter getting cold" Divya looked at Shiva , straight in the eye, without a hint of hesitation

"Not to mention my homemade cookies"

"Putting a tray in an oven does not mean you made them" Her husband put a thumbs down sign, indicating they are not friends and Divya just rolled her eyes .

Shiva observed the verbal tennis match going on.
He smiled timidly as he witnessed the banter in front of him. He recalls a forgotten shadow of himself and Raavi , teasing each other and him secretly enjoying winding her up

But now, he tried to engage and always seemed worn out at the end. Raavi was herself and seemed to see nothing different and to her, everything was the same but Shiva wasnt . He hadn't been himself in a long time. They shared banter and had their fights but Shiva felt it exhausted him. He would sleep with aches and pains and never could pinpoint the source of it. If it was not for the two people in front of him, he wouldn't be able to make sense of it but now he could. He was lost in his thoughts when Divya asked

"Shiva , do you have any idea what triggered it off"

Shiva was now stuck. He did not know what to say. Divya kept coaxing and her husband kept cracking jokes. His brain was getting clouded and Raavi and his family's conversation from earlier on was buzzing in his head. The voices were mixing up in his head when he blurted

"Raavi saw a pic of you and I and now she thinks we are having an affair and my whole family are coming down to solve the problem and confront me "

There was silence. There was shock. There was disbelief.  There was confusion . There was disappointment and then there was.....

"WHAT THE FUCK"
Divya glared at her husband and said "hey don't curse"
And turn back to Shiva and said...
"You have gotta be kidding. Shiva , it's time. You need to put an end to it all" Shiva's eyes shot up
"She's right...its time"

Twenty months ago:

Shiva whistled and dried himself coming out of the shower. He seemed happier today. The panic attack hadn't happened again and nobody seemed to suspect anything. He carried his mask. The one that masked his true feelings.  He just came across as a gentler and calmer version of Shiva. I mean he did notice a few raised eyebrows from his mum at times and she did corner him, asking him if he is okay as he seemed too happy. But his mum being his mum, advised him not to fall for Raavis words as she might defame the family again. He just sighed. He sometimes didnt understand his mum and sometimes he felt she didnt know him.

" Eh Bhootnath. Kabse shower lekar beta hai. Mujhe bhi use karni thi. Main kaam ki liye late horahi hu"

" Raavi, tum andar jaa sakti ho"

" thanks....ek minute ek minute. Mujhe teri khilaf ek complaint hai"

" kya?"

" Meri almari chocolate, chaane sab kaha hai"

His back was turned and he sighed louder than he would have. He hated it when she was like this. She was always a bit ditzy since childhood but he just wished she had become better since recent events but he was wrong

" main laana bandh kiya tha..Tune kaha tujhe healthy snacks chaiyye"

" Eh Bhootnath . Main kab kaha? Jhoota kahin ka"

" Jab tu gym jaana start kiya tha......Arnav ki saath"

There was an awkward atmosphere . He didnt want to look  at her but the silence was killing his mood and he did not want to have another emotional outburst. Next minute he felt her arms hold him from the back

" I'm sorry shiva...maine socha nahin ki maine aise....." she faltered on her words when he cut in
" Agar tujhe chaiyya to main lekar aaun" he felt her nodding happily against his shoulder.
She pecked him and thanked him and skipped off to shower. Pagal.

Later that day....

" Dev tumne notice kiya" Rishita was trying to burp her baby and was trying to figure something out.She may not like Shiva the most but she knew something was off about him . Her angry devar behaved like a wounded lion yet his exterior was jolly-ish

" Haa maine notice kiya ki tumhe mujhe zyaada baby ko time deti ho" Dev pouted

" woh baat nahin hai..mazak bandh karo dev. Shiva ki baat kar rahi hu. Tumhe nahin lagta woh thodi different hai. "

Dev shook his head. He just thought shiva was just being shiva.  He didnt notice anything. Was shiva different

"Mujhe kuch samajh nahin aa raha hai Rishita . Kehna kya chahti ho"

" Itna hyper mat nano Dev.. maine notice kiya woh kamina arnav ki baad, Shiva ne apna junglee, jaahil acting chodh diya hai
Achi baat hai but main soch thi hu...Raavi ne uski baat nahin maani.  But actually uski galti nahin hai"

" Kya matlab rishitha"

" I mean, shiva is no offence lekin woh unpar hai..log usko gawar kehte  hai. Har baat par gussa.  Raavi kaise uski baat maan leti. I mean, hes not with the world you know"

" Rishitha , yeh kabhi repeat mat karna. Okay? Sab kya think karenge. Anyways woh hamara problem nahin hai..woh saab choro"

Rishita and Dev were cooing over their kid and failed to notice someone hearing them. Shiva's hand twitched again but he fought hard. He was playing with fire in his mental battleground.
But he decided enough is enough. He was gonna prove them wrong. He called Krish and asked to borrow his laptop. He decided to do the one thing that took a back seat. He was going back
Back to school!
In the meantime, he stared at this reflection and saw himself. The angry young man, the saddened guy, all shackled up , asking to be released whilst he put on his mask.

P.s. please comment...if there are any improvements I can make.please please tell me