Subdued - A Shiva Pandya Story

Facing the music

Back in the principal office

" Mr Pandya. Aapne aaj gusse mein saare class ki tables thode diya... kyun"
Shiva was silent . He was disappointed in himself. For some reason he noticed his emotions have all been extreme. Say it be anger or love or sorrow. He recalled how he beat Arnav black and blue. His hands had bled and he paid no heed. He made no attempts to fix them. He recalled trashing the Somnath institute, clearly observing the look of horror on Janardhans face. He went pale and everytime he saw him, he hid from Shiva or changed his tune drastically when he came to ridicule Gaumbi. He luckily escaped questions when he had to foot the bill to Raavi. She asked and he quickly explained how he borrowed some gym equipment and forgot to return it.
" Mr Pandya main tumse kuch pooche raha hoon. "
Silence again.
" Agar aapne jawab nahin diya main aapko rusticate kar dunga"
Silence again.
Prakash walked in and his father looked up at him in anger
" Prakash, tum yaha ki sirf Chemistry teacher balki uska dost ho. Baat karo usse."
Prakash spoke " Shiva aise kya hua mere yaar ki tu Agneepath ka Amitabh ban gaya"
Silence again. Prakash was worried and approached him so they were face to face .
"Shiva....."
Silence again. Before you knew it, Shiva was dripping in sweat and was just staring into space. He tried to move his arms and legs and failed to do so. He was shedding silent tears and he began to shake but was unresponsive.
"DAD....CALL THE AMBULANCE "
Prakash tried to move him but he was unmanageable . Prakash was scared. He heard of panic attacks but this was live in front of him. Prakash kept saying
"Shiva mere bhai...look at me..look at me Shiva. BREATHE Shiva .BREATHE"
Before you knew it..Shiva's world went dark.

In the hospital...

"Mr Pandya. You gave us quite the scare. Well not us. But the Principal and your friend Prakash were"
He looked over at them and he saw their worried faces. He put his hands up together asking for forgiveness..he had no energy. The hospital asked if he were comfortable being asked medical questions in front of them. Shiva gave consent. The principal offered him help from a counsellor who worked alongside the institute and said he would speak to the board but Shiva would have to pay some compensation.
But the question that put the room into silence was
" Mr Pandya, how often do you get these anxiety attacks and dont say you dont know, I am a professional and believe me this was not your first time...was it? "
Shiva was silent but Prakash said
" Doctor, when he is ready , he will talk. Right Shiva"
Shiva nodded but wondered. What would he say? Where would he start?

Two days later;

Shiva sat in the principal office. He was annoyed at himself. He damaged the classroom and now more cost was being undertaken by the school. He apologised to Prakash dad numerous times and said he owed him one and would give his life if it came down to it
" Oh Shiva, mujhe sirf ache students chaiyya. Koi jaan dene wala nahin" Prakashs dad in amusement.
"Lekin aapko help diya jayenge"
"Matlab"
" Matlab.."
The phone rang and he instructed the person to come in.
Shiva turned and saw the person and said
"TUM"
The person looked back in confusion as said "TUM?"