Subdued - A Shiva Pandya Story

what i thought it meant

Dear Gaumbi,

What should I say. You must be shocked that I can write this in English. Yes, I completed my studies. I handled the running of the Pandya store in Mumbai and studied. I have a confession to make Gaumbi. Years ago, I rejected my studies. I rejected it because I couldnt deal with the idea of you working as a labourer in our own store. I looked back from the rickshaw and saw the sacks on your back and I realised it was unfair for you to shoulder the responsibility of Papa. The sacrifice that Papa would have done for his kids, you did as a brother. This was cemented further when you guys were struggling to cover our school fees. So I turned my back to the one thing I think I loved about my childhood . My studies. Why should you shoulder everything? Was I not Darshan Pandyas sons too? So I turned my back.
I didnt realise it meant I would have to sacrifice my right to have a standing of respect in the family. I didnt realise it meant I would sacrifice my right to be defended by my loved ones. I didnt realise it meant that a lack of education meant I was a jaahil, unpar, gawar and would always be in the wrong and jealous of my brothers successes. I didnt realise it meant I would only be expected to get my hands dirty and nobody else. That day, you told me you would rather have Kaka , a man old enough to be our dad do manual labour and not our "educated brothers" I realised how I misjudged my own sacrifice. I didnt realise the consequences. I dont want you to feel bad Gaumbi but I will say this, if Chiku grows up, dont let him burden himself with the responsibility of sacrifice. Dont let him feel low. It's hard to carry the burden of failure. I always will be a failure in your eyes. My sacrifice was seen as an act of failure. I am a failure .

Love Shiva

Gaumbi was shedding tears and was desperate to see Shiva. He needed to fix everything when he received a message. She must have read her letter. He needed to speak to his wife. She had a plan. Mission Manao Shiva. Normally what she said was the word of the Pandya house. But he wasnt sure if this was the case this time. He had reservations about this.