Subdued - A Shiva Pandya Story

Emerging together

Two years later

She had the warm cup of coffee, looking over the snow. A small smile danced upon her lips as she reflected on her life. She was wondering away into her thoughts when she felt him wrap his arms around her stomach
" I love you " he sighed and placed his chin on her shoulder
" what do you want" she asked.
" many things come to mind but a kiss would do for now"
She gasped and poked him
" Chup. Shiva aur Raavi sun lenge"
" Aaaaaannnd"
She smiled , leaning in for a kiss when she swiped his face with cold freezing water saying
" And nothing. Catch me if you can"
Divya ran away screaming whilst Prakash chased her. They settled after ten minutes and were still laughing deliriously when Divya asked
" tumhe Raavi aur Shiva ke baare kya khayal hai. I mean, you think they are okay? "
Prakash looked at her softly and responded
" I'm sure they are. They might not be perfect but atleast they are somewhere, far away from where they were that night  thanks to you"
Divya went into deep thought

That night , two years ago

Shiva paced up and down the room. He was waiting for Raavi to wake up. He had a million questions and she had to answer them . FAST!
Raavi stirred in her sleep and Shiva decided to play it smart. He hid behind the door and peeked at her.
Raavi sat up slowly and looked around . She had lost track of where she was and what time it was. How did she end up here. She slowly recalled Shiva. His pain. His anguish. The repercussions of her actions and how she broke him. She searched around the room with her eyes and realised he was gone. She pulled her bag from the bedside table and pulled out her wallet and spoke

" I'm sorry Shiva. I'm really sorry. Maine tujhe bahot hurt kiya. Bahot. Kitni buri hoon main. Maine tera dil todha. Teri jazbaat ko samjh nahin paaye. Tujhe chota feel karwaya. Kyun . Kyun kiya maine aisa. Isliye kyu ki mujhe laga koi mujhe bina expectations se dosti kiya. Maine usko apni dost ki darja diya aur meri pati ko chota feel karwaya? Kyun. Sach shiva. Main tujhe jaahil, gawar , beech...woh saab nahin samajh thi. Mera yakeen kar. Please. Kaisi insaan hu main. Maine tera saath aisa kiya. Ek heera ke saath. Shayad bhagwan ne meri mummy papa ko cheen liya. Isi ki layak hoon main. Manhoos, panuati, sab sahi kehte. Wahi hoon main"
Raavi was sobbing and Shiva was holding his mouth to subdue his own. She was holding his picture crying. She was in pain. Just like him. He caused her pain just like she did. If she was the cause and cure of his anxiety., he realised he was the cause and cure for her too. He wanted to hug her and shower her with love but he let her speak
" bekaar. Bekaar tho main hoon. Tu nahin. Tu mere Shiva hai. Mera dil ka adha hissa. Tune kaise soch liya tu ek khilona hai mere liye. Huh. Main tho hamesha se aisi hi. Stupid. Airhead. Hamesha gusse se samjhtha tha. Is baar kyun nahi kiya. Pyaar se bhi nahin. Pata hai, kal raat mummy papa ne bhi aise hi kaha. Main ek disappointment hoon. Main achi nahin hoon. Sapno main bhi un logo ne mujhe chor diya. Aur haqeeqat main bhi
Aur aaj tune bhi mujhe chor diya. Mujhe nahin jeena tere bina Shiva. Nahin Jeena.
Raavi was breaking down as she sobbed loudly muttering she didnt want to live without him and Shiva couldnt help but hold her in his arms. He cried with her and she snuggled into his arms weeping further, scarring his heart yet healing him at the same time
" Bas Raavi bas. Aur nahin. Aur mat ro. Please Raavi. Mujhe pata nahin tha. Teri bhi aisi haalat hai. Mujhe nahin pata...I'm sor"
Raavi held his mouth and cut him off shaking his head
" nahin Shiva. Mujhe Maaf kar. Mujhse bahot baari galati hui hai. Please mujhe mat chor...mujhe divorce"
" maine kab kaha divorce ke baare main"
Raavi was stunned into silence.
" Sun Raavi. I mean Chipkali" Raavis face lit up
" Chipkali, tu meri poori baat sun . Sach tho kahu, pehle main separate hona chahtha tha and main America jaana chahtha tha. Maine socha main tujhe faisla dena ka time doon and agar is baar tune mana kiya, main separate ho jata tha. Lekin sach tho yeh hai, is Bhoothnath apni Mami ki behen ki beti ki bina adhoora hai. Aur jo maine abhi dekha...tera bhi wahi haal jo mera hai. Isliye agar tu chahthi hum...kya kehte hai....haan couples counselling. Woh try kare"
Raavi smiled as though the weight of 1000 books has left her head. She knew they both had issue but this was a start
This time she would fight for him and nobody could stop her.
She cupped his face and showered him with small kisses all over his face. She will make him feel loved. Always. She made that promise to herself.

Today

Divya recalled the therapy sessions and realised one thing. Shiva and Raavi were two sides of a page and one didnt exist without another. One side of the page has his set of words and one side had hers. They exchanged thoughts and feelings. There was bitter truths thrown and honest emotions scattered as they opened their hearts in every session. Shiva realised Raavi was living in guilt and he would have to work hard to eradicate it and Raavi would have to work hard to remove Shiva's insecurities. They had made the move to America for Shiva to advance his career path in economics and continuing the sessions there with Divya as well.
Raavi and her became fast friends after Raavi admitted she was a jealous idiot. Divya laughed and recalled how she conveniently replaced Prakash snobby ex's hair mask with strawberry jam.
Prakash had forgiven Raavi for her behaviour and also became friends with her but made it clear he was team Shiva all the way, earning him a smack on the head from Divya.
The family dynamics had changed after that night. His brothers went for a boys trip and had the time of their life. Prakash was an honorary guest and Gaumbi turned out to be a dark horse, with many girls leaving their numbers only to find he was married and a lot older than they expected. But those girls did not care. In their eyes, Gaumbi was what they called "fine wine"
Gaumbi and Shivas equation was a weird one. There was awkwardness in the air and a slight heaviness in Shivas chest. Gaumbi was his big brother and not his father and that was the reality. Gaumbi was extremely guilty and didnt know how to deal with himself. He had been used to a submissive Shiva but now that reality hit him, he didnt know how to deal with the consequence of his poor behaviour. They were taking steps ahead. Baby steps.
Dhara's equation with Shiva became virtually a shadow of what they had. She tried to mother him like before but Shiva felt there was a sense of urgency from her. To return to the equation they had and for Dhara to drop the act. Shiva was smarter this time and held his mask up when she was around. She saw what Shiva wanted to show her and that was it. His brothers tried to sing her praises when one day Shiva spoke
" Hum sabne kahin na kahin qurbaani diye hai. Sach bolo, jis tara bhabi ne diya hai, wase bhi Rishita bhabi and Raavi ne kahin na kahin diya hai. Shayad Dhara bhabi ki tarah nahin lekin un logon bhi family liye kiya hai "

Suman looked at Shiva was a slight impressed look. She healed her relationship with Raavi and apologised and announced to the boys , the women had equal rights of the men and if they behaved otherwise, it would be their back and her danda.
" Rishita bhabi ne apne Papa marzi ki khilafi Dev se shadi ki. Unhone apni self respect rakh kar Dev se shadi ki. Apni ma, papa sab ko kho diya"
Rishita smiled at her favourite brother in law uff brother -Shiva and Dev. Dev smiled at her and recalled how he pulled Janardhan off aside saying
" Dekhiye Dad. Ha, itna shocked mat hoye. Dad, dekhiye, Rishita aapko pyaar karti hai aur mujhe bhi. Hum dono ki bina woh adhoori hai. Uski liye rishtadaari rakhna zaroori hai."
Janardhan agreed on a truce and decided to be civil and good to the Pandya family. He told his sister off and told Kirti to keep away from Krish for Rishitas and Chutki sake atleast .Things were going well so far. Fingers crossed.
" Aur Raavi....usne hamesha se Pandya parivaar ko chunna . Usne hamesha apni khwaish ko sacrifice kiya. Mere liye . Usne apni self respect ki bezaati hone diya. Mere liye. "
Shiva got emotional and Raavi clasped his hand, in reassurance. That was the past. They will focus on moving forward. That was Raavis promise. She noticed Dharas frown from the corner of her eye but both her and Shiva learnt it's best to blissfully unaware when it came to Dhara.

Divya reflected on the couple she had seen and grown under her therapy session with Prakash giving his opinion on the matter when he heard Shiva from the next room.
" AE CHIPKALI. Jaldi kar. Apni chipkali Doston se baath karna band kar. Jaldi aa. "
" Boothnath kahin ka. Pehle tune bathroom mein mess kiya aur upar se attitude"
Divya and Prakash laughed at their bickering. The couple were good entertainment .
" Itna mess maine nahin kiya. Phir bhi tujhe der kyun horahi hai. Jaldi kar. Prakash and Divya wait kar rahe hoge. Dev and Rishita bhabi, bhi wait kar rahe hai. Woh restaurant busy rehta hai. Phir complain mat kar jab banana ice cream nahin mila tho"
Raavi smiled to herself and admired herself in the mirror. She felt loved and she felt so much love for Shiva that she wanted to announce it to the world. She loved the man she saw and loved the woman she became because of his love and patience. She still never forgave herself for what she did to Shiva but she wouldnt think about . Definitely not today. She had other worries. Like how would she explain to Shiva why she no longer liked banana ice cream . It smelt funny and made her feel sick. She didnt know when exactly it started but she had to explain that a lot of changes will be happening to her. Especially in the next nine months

THE END

Hope everyone enjoyed the story. I'm sorry if it wasnt up to some people expectations but please leave your reviews and comments
Thank you everyone for being on this journey with Shiva.