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I never felt so alone in my entire lifetime. I still had all the stars above me, this rooftop was filled of plants, I had my friends downstairs yet nothing could fill the void that existed inside my heart. Basically, Only one person could... and I pushed her away.
Now nothing could erase this pain.
Even though some hours passed from what happened it seems like it happened a second ago cause I am still upset. I didnt know what to do. I thought I did the right thing at first... for my family, my friends...
First, that stupid rule we set when we were younger, it was something like a promise and I always keep them... Well, Most of the time at least. I couldnt keep Till the end together and thats killing me.
Also, my father. He would do so many bad things to her if he knows. He is a bad person and I need to protect her before he finds out and makes everything to vanish her from my life or even worse... harm her somehow? He is dangerous.
I destroyed everything.
But still... I wonder...
Is she sleeping right now? Is she waiting for me in our room? Does she want to apologise because of how she spoke to me? I hope she doesnt put herself in a position to say sorry when I am obviously at fault. My heart couldnt take this type of pain. I am already in pain thinking she is a wreck, or even worse crying herself to sleep, thinking she got manipulated by the worst human alive - me.
Thats what I possibly am to her right now - The villain.
And who could blame her. I tried so hard to be the villain if being honest. I've never said so many lies at once before. Like... That I used her for the game? That I dont love her? It was just sex? Like what the hell?
Its kinda funny thought. The woman of my life thinks that I dont love her. Sarcastic huh? I mean, I couldnt love someone more than I love her and she probably thinks I used her. Correction: She doesnt think that, I made her think that!
But Its for her own good, Right?
Right?
Not even myself answers to me anymore.
As I was overflowed with these thoughts of how I screwed up in just a second I heard someone clearing their throat from the door. I swerved my head and locked eyes with Jimin who happened to be laying his head on the door frame and having two arms crossed. That eye contact didnt last for long as I was feeling guilty to look at anyone at the moment. My eyes met the horizon once again but he didnt give up.
Jimin: Why are you here?
He started approaching me. At a time like this the last thing I had courage to do was actually speak to someone - especially him. I was not willing to say anything until I felt him sitting close to me on the couch.
