Leaps and landings

36

They'd spend the evening talking, both of them slowly realizing that doubts on any level were part of the process, easing a lot of tension. They weren't going to have answers to everything, and not all worries could be dissolved just by pure will. What had helped Jess the most in the end was the way she'd identified a fallacy in his thinking - if he was like Jimmy, wouldn't Celeste have to be an ethical reflection of her own family? And that he certainly couldn't agree with. He felt silly for having come all this way, thinking this would've brought clarity. But he was grateful too for the spare day he had with her, because who knew - the next holiday they would have together would probably be when they were three.

They slept late, Celeste's morning sickness having eased up significtly allowing her wake at more normal hours, in a way in which she wanted to always wake up - her arms and legs entangled with his, his kisses and touches on her skin.

They walked the boardwalk, the beach, dipping their feet into the ocean - overall doing something and nothing meaningful at all except being together, enjoying each-other's company.

"So a girl," Jess noted, having gathered his courage, as they sat at one of Jess' favourite secluded benches for reading back in the day, observing the ocean in the distance. They'd just come from an early dinner, having replced their lunch with just some snacks on the go, not quite feeling like going back to the hotell just yet, the warm ocean breeze cooling the air pleasantly.

"Uhuh," Celeste reflected, playfully, enjoying the fact it was Jess who was initiating the topic.

"You'll have to explain to me how girls think in that case. I wouldn't have a clue what to say or do if she's glued to her phone swiping left and right and following the next celebrity craze," he said.

"I think the chances are pretty good we can glue her to books instead, just look at the influences - you, me, Rory, Logan, Doula, Lily even," Celeste listed laughingly.

"That is a little assuring, isn't it?" he noted smilingly.

"You've had so many things thought out in this process and I know you haven't told me everything you have already thought of, so just so you know, that I think I am ready to hear them now. Maybe not all at once, but...," Jess said.

"Well, do you want me to start now?" she chuckled, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear.

"As good as time as ever," Jess noted. He still had to keep reminding himself - this was really happening - but he wanted to get past that shock to actually do something constructive and to do what Celeste had said - actually begin to enjoy it. He needed to try at least.

"Well, if you ever feel like renovating again there's some wallpaper in the nursery closet and a bunch of items in the downstairs kitchen cabinets that should go into the nursery as well," she admitted, squinting her eyes apologetically. She just hadn't been able to stop herself.

"Yeah, I knew that actually," he said, surprising her.

Celeste punched his shoulder playfully, "And you just let me fry," she blamed him.

"Well, you should know by now that you don't have to hide things from me. Not first class tickets or nursery wallpaper," he said, placing his arm around her shoulder kissing her temple.

"I know..," Celeste said with a sigh. "I just felt cautious or something, that maybe you'd find it difficult or pushy," she added.

"It's fine," he murmured into her hair.

"So, have you thought of a name yet?" Jess inquired a moment later, recalling Sasha's question from last night.

"I have a few names that I've loved for years actually. But I'm not set on any one of them," she shared.

"Any hints?" he asked, playing with the texture of her black lace dress on her shoulder.

"God, I hope you won't hate them...," she hesitated, taking a deep breath. "There's Aurora, Daphne, Chloe, Zoë and Ivy. But I do really believe I'd have to look at her before we decide," she added, glancing at him timidly.

"Well you might want to strike out Zoë from that list - I have an ex by that name, but the rest, while a little girly...," he shrugged, not quite finishing the sentence, but implying those he could work with.

"Fine," she replied without objections. "But what do you mean girly!?" she protested.

"I don't know... just they sound like character names for...., how should I put this nicely - spoiled, pretty but not the smartest?" Jess said, trying to be honest.

"They do not!" she argued playfully. "Daphne du Maurier aka Lady Browning, Chloe Ryan Winston, Chloe Anthony Wofford, Ivy Compton-Burnett, Aurora de Albornoz... just to name a few," she listed a little defensively.

"That's just unfair, you've had time to think about this, I just told you my first impression. But I'm sure'll we'll find something we both like," he assured.

"You know... I really want her to have your name," Celete said, stroking the inside of his palm with her fingers. "I know it's Jimmy's name, but mine is so anonymous, it just doesn't carry any meaning. I think you've made yourself a name beyond Jimmy, and I just want her to be linked to you, to the person you are," she added.

Jess felt a unfamiliar sense of completeness in that moment. He had it all. He didn't care much about the name frankly, those were just the details in the grand scheme of things. He felt like he needed to do something, to savor the moment, to scream his lungs out how much he loved her, to not ever let her ever slip away.

"I realize this was not what we planned, not exactly something we've ever prioritzed and it's not even something we would have to do, but I do think I need to make myself clear. I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you, and whether that involves a ceremony and piece of paper, doesn't even matter. I want you to know that you are my world," Jess said, looking her in the eyes.

They'd always been that couple who made fun of the traditional order of things, the things society expected couples to do - date, move in together, marry and have kids - and they'd succeeded fairly well in doing things very much in the 'wrong' order, taking many gigantic leaps of faith earlier than many would. But things had just come naturally with no regrets. They'd even discussed the concept of a marriage, resulting in a fairly unison consensus that the act it self had lost a lot of it's meaning in the world, a way for businesses to cash in on the romance, as if throwing a big party infront of everyone would make it more real, to make people believe that by spending all that money their love would somehow prevail. And of course Celeste had seen first hand how many of these charades were just the motions without any content. They'd expressed that they weren't severely opposed to these more traditional progressions, but neither of them felt like they needed them either.

"God, you know just the right words to say, you know... and if we did decide that we wanted that, I would definitely say 'yes'. No doubts," Celeste replied, wrapping her arms around his neck and kissing him, her lips trembling just a little as she sobbed tears of happiness.