Moonlight: Stars, Eclipses, & Full Moons

Life After

TW: this chapter will contain scenes about a miscarriage, so if anyone finds this triggering, please proceed with caution. 

Minseok's POV

Grieving is a weird thing to experience. Most people grieve for things and people they've lost, but I feel like that I've spent most of my life mourning things I never had. Things just never panned out the way the fairytales and movies would have you believe. Not that that ended up being a particularly bad set of cards to be dealt in the end and after lots of personal reflection and therapy, but I can't say it was something I was able to accept easily. 

I was blankly staring out of the kitchen window, my mouth sealed shut pretty tightly and my eyebrows slightly furrowed. I snapped out of my trance when I felt a hand slide across my lower back gently, turning my head to see Jongdae now standing beside me. 

"Morning," he said sleepily but still brightly, immediately making his way over to the coffee machine. "Anything interesting out there?"

I glanced back out of the kitchen window and then looked back at him, shaking my head. "I was just in trance, I guess." He hummed as he reached up into the cupboard for a mug, placing it on the machine before turning around and fully facing me.

"So...today," he said as he crossed his arms loosely over his chest. 

I stared back at him, faintly nodding. "Today," I repeated. A brief silence fell between us as we maintained eye contact. 

"We don't have to go if you don't feel up to it," he said after a while. "It's been a long time, but...it still hurts like it was yesterday." 

I nodded again, unable to disagree with his statement. "We should still go, though," I said as I shook my head and exhaled a moment or so later, as if getting out of another trance. "At least it's a little bit easier now." He observed me carefully and I resisted listening into his thoughts because I could tell by the concerned look on his face what they were. 

"Okay, long as you're sure," he said, putting on a faint smile and turning around just as the coffee machine stopped. He carefully picked up the mug and looked at me again before saying, "I'll shower and get ready then."

"Okay." I nodded and tried to smile back at him before he began walking toward me, placing a quick kiss on my temple as he headed back toward the stairs. I glanced back quick enough to catch the last of his disappearing feet, but then focused my eyes back out of the window. I let out a sigh and let myself fall back into my mind.

After I left my pack, I told myself I'd never have a family. Not because I didn't want to, but because I didn't think I'd know how to handle having one. Things like require a good example to follow after, something I didn't have growing up. My grandparents did what they could, but by the time I was just entering my most vulnerable and formative years, they were entering their last ones.

When I made the decision to leave, I told myself I just had to accept the fact that I'd likely never have a proper, picture-perfect family. Suho and Lay made me change my mind a little, but a part of me still felt empty, like there was a void in my heart that could never quite be filled. 

I guess that's kind of where Jongdae came in. 

Imprinting was the last thing I expected to happen in my life, but surprisingly, accepting it felt rather natural for me. I was still a little hesitant at first, but I think I've always felt comfortable and warm around him, even before I knew his name. Then, as the years passed and we grew even closer, the void crept back up. Only this time, I knew exactly what it was asking for. 

I brought myself out of my trance this time, exhaling and shaking my head once more before looking at the time. Only about ten minutes had passed, but Jongdae was usually pretty quick to get ready, so I decided to head upstairs and do the same.