Soul-bound

7. Worry and regret

We lay still for a full hour afterwards, among the flowers, looking at each other, unable to comprehend what had just happened. We didn't say a word to each other, not from the moment we had spoken the others name after the first time he kissed me.

We didn't speak as we stood up and got dressed; there was just a mutual understanding between us. I felt a sticky sweet sensation against the fabric of my trousers, a sensation that I loved because I knew it had been caused by him. My heart was pounding, and it escalated so much it felt as though it crushed me when he took my hand and started taking me with him.

Hashirama had a little house on his own on the outskirts of the area where the Senju lived, and he took me to it. There, he took me to his bedroom, a beautiful little square where exactly everything was made out of wood, the only contrast being the crisp, heavenly white pillow and duvet.

He pushed me into his bed and we did it all over again, me on my back, then on all four, then sitting in his lap jumping his dick, this time able to go on for longer before we came as we had already emptied ourselves once.

When we were done, at least for then, it was dark out, and we realised how late it was.

He lent me a toothbrush, and we showered together, neither of us really wanting to wash off the saltiness from our bodies but knowing we should. He kissed me with passion in the shower, connecting our hips. He pressed me up against the glass wall, my stomach to the cool surface, and then pushed himself inside of me from behind and did me all over again.

We never got rid of that salt.

We were insatiable. Well and truly ravenous for one another and this new discovery between us. We still didn't say a word to each other. We went to bed together, still wordlessly, me having borrowed a shirt of him, him completely naked, and he held me close. My head was buzzing with so much excitement, I thought I'd never fall asleep, but my best friend's presence worked to calm me down and it felt as if I fell asleep as soon as I closed my eyes.

When I woke up, my heart was so full I believed it would burst. At first, I didn't remember why, but then I saw the man next to me snoozing softly, and in that moment, I was so happy I felt as though I might die.

I looked at him while he slept, so much at peace in his dream world. I saw details of his face I hadn't been lucky enough to see before; the contour of his nose bone, the light shade of freckles on his cheeks, the slightest hint of red in his chestnut hair as the sun shone on it through the window. An eternity could have passed without me growing tired of looking at him as he slept, yet I felt my heart leap as his eyelids fluttered awake.

It seemed to take a while before he realised why I was there, but when he saw me, his face softened, and he took my hand and kissed it.

"Hi", he said, voice drenched with warmth.

"Hi", I whispered back.

"How are you?"

"I've never been this happy", I said.

It was the wrong thing to say, because something in his face changed then.

At first, I didn't understand what happened with him, as the expression in his eyes didn't match the warmth I felt in the situation, and my brain couldn't comprehend the contrast.

But then, he looked away, and his grip around my hand softened, and I realised the expression on his face was worry.

And regret.

"Hashi..."

He turned away.

My heart was pounding.

But this time, it was very unpleasant.

I mourned it.

I mourned all of it.

My best friend.

His easy-going personality.

His laugh.

Our friendship.

I mourned it because I lost it.

When the light in Hashirama's eyes died that day when we woke up in bed together, something between us died as well.

We parted on soft terms that morning. The coming days, I went to the cliffside. I went to the glade. Always hoping, against hope, that he would show up, because I knew he wouldn't. I knew he wouldn't.

I tried to fill my days with vigorous exercise and practice, to such an extent that by the time of the next meeting, I was covered in cuts and burns.

I wondered whether or not it would make him feel sorry for me.

At the meeting, I was trembling. I was so nauseous, I felt a s though I might throw up. I looked over at his chair, exactly opposite mine. It was empty. I had never seen it empty before. Hashirama was always there well before me.

I had just lost hope that he would show up when he entered. My breath caught in my throat.

But he only cast one glance at me, smiled a quick smile, and then looked down.

He remained focussed on the rest of the meeting. And when it ended, he left quickly. I left as well. I lingered outside, looking for him. I stood still and closed my eyes, waiting for him to come and nudge me.

He didn't.

I didn't notice Tobirama watching me with a worried expression on his face.