Soul-bound

9. The healer

They were twenty-two, my little brother and Tobirama, when it finally happened for them.

I happened to watch them fall in love by mistake. And it was the best mistake of my life, because it was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.

I was sitting on top of the cliff, still one of my favourite places in this world, the other being my bed where I felt very, very safe, and which was one of few places that didn't hold any memories of Hashirama, when I heard them below me.

They were walking together, carrying swords, meaning they would train together. Tobirama stepped out on some stones protruding through the clear water, and Izuna followed. Suddenly, Izuna lost his balance, and gave out a little shout. He regained his balance, but Tobirama reached his hand out, and Izuna just stared at it.

I held my breath as the two of them looked at each other, encapsulating this moment that would decide the rest of their forever.

Finally, Izuna took Tobirama's hand, and they skipped the stones together, hand-in-hand.

And as they jumped back down on the grass again, Tobirama turned round to meet him, and Izuna kissed him.

Tobirama put his arms around him. And even if they were far away now, I could see he kissed my little brother with passion.

I was filled with warmth, yet a jealousy so cold it extinguished each and every breath of that warmth.

That night, I took down my best sword from the wall.

I couldn't remember the decision process for the life of me, but I took my sword in my hand as naturally as if it was part of an evening routine. I must have shut off every part of my brain in control of self-preservation, because in that moment, I had none.

And I found myself in a puddle of my own blood.

I stood still, feeling dizzy, feeling nauseous due to the smell of blood. How could I stand this smell in battle? What chemical compounds were at play in my brain during battle that made the smell bearable then?

I fell to the floor. Why? Why had I done this? Was I really so pathetic that I couldn't handle my own little brother being happy without wanting to die?

I was drooling. Or, maybe, it was blood coming out of my mouth. I didn't know.

Somebody came into my home then. Pure luck. He didn't scream, the person who had come in. He just bent down next to me, took my arm, and carried me to my bed. I felt a soft glow as they started healing me, and it was then that I realised who it was.

"Izuna..."

"Shut up." I heard he was crying. "I need to concentrate."

I tried to reach my hand to touch his face.

"Izuna..."

"I said, shut up." His voice was only a whisper. "You thick, dumb whore."

I must have fallen asleep, but when I woke, I was healed. I looked around me, saw I was in my room, but not on my bed but on a thick duvet on the floor. The sun was shining in through the open window, my light linen curtains blowing softly in the wind.

He was silhouetted like an angel. He was changing my sheets, I saw, the reason why I was on the floor, and the old sheets were covered in red, a beautiful contrast to the white.

"Izuna..." I croaked; I was healed, but I was weak.

"So you're awake now?"

He didn't turn around. His black hair and clothes was also a nice contrast to all that white, my foggy brain thought.

"Are you mad at me?"

He turned to me, and his face softened.

"No", he said.

He bent down next to me, caressed my hair away from my forehead. He took a wet towel from a bowl of water he'd placed next to me and dabbed it.

"You got sepsis", he said.

"Blood infection?" I asked.

"Mmm. I healed you."

God, my fantastic little brother. A medic, on top of everything. I was so proud of him.

"How long have I been gone?"

"Three days. You have drifted back up about once a day and I have been able to feed you."

"God..."

"This can't go on", Izuna said.

I didn't understand. I didn't want to understand.

I understood.

"Izuna..."

"You have to talk to him."

"But-"

"You have to", Izuna said. "Stop being an idiot."

I smiled sadly. God, I was tired.

"I have tried. For so long. But he doesn't want to talk to me."

"Then he needs to stop being an idiot, too."

Izuna's face was set. Then, suddenly, he stood up.

"I'll be right back", he said.

"Wait!" I said.

"Don't move and try not to fucking kill yourself while I'm gone."

I sighed and hid my face behind my hands. I must have fallen asleep like that because when I woke up, it was dark out. And I realised that I had been woken by the sound of keys in my lock.

I forced myself awake, feeling slightly better although I was ravenous. I would ask Izuna if he could provide me some food. God, I loved him. I loved him and appreciated him so, so much. I didn't even know how to begin thanking him.

"Izuna, I-"

"It's me."

And in came Hashirama.

He had a wary expression on his face, but it wasn't at all hostile. Instead, there was a softness to his presence.

And he looked immaculate, dressed in a beautiful white robe, his hair slicked back, oily in the roots, clean and healthy in the lengths. I suddenly became incredibly aware of my own unwashed hair, of my too large shirt, of not having brushed my teeth for days because I'd been in a Goddamn coma.

"Hashirama..." I said; saying people's names seemed to be the only thing I was able of right now.

"Madara."

His voice anchored me back to my will to live.

I burst into tears.