Silence

10

I watched as the IV was inserted into the vein in my arm. It didn't make me squeamish anymore, I was used to it. The clear liquid left the syringe, entering into my blood stream as it felt like warmth was slowly spreading throughout my entire body. The beeping of the machine in the background brought me back to reality. I turned my head slightly to look back at the hollow tube that I would soon be laying in for extended periods of time. MRI machines didn't bother me, usually they would play music while the scan was going on, that or I would just fall asleep.

"All right, why don't you lay back and relax," said the female oncologist as the male went behind a wall to the controls. I followed her instructions and laid back on the surface of the machine, my head resting on the white clad pillow that was the standard in hospitals. I took a deep breath as I was slowly moved into the chamber, the humming becoming louder as my face went into the scanner.

As the exam progressed, I felt that it was harder and harder to keep still in the chilly room. My fingers twitched and I mentally told myself to keep still, forcing my limps to freeze in place by locking them out, my muscles flexed as I tried to remain as stiff as a board.

Suddenly I was being withdrawn from the machine only after fifteen minutes. My look of confusion at the doctors as I sat up when my body was completely out.

"Can you roll over onto your stomach? We would like to get some readings from that side as well."

I gave her a nod. "Can I have a blanket? It's cold and it's hard not to twitch," I laughed nervously as I rubbed the back of my head. The female doctor smiled at me as she turned around, coming back in a minute to hand me a thin white blanket but it was better than nothing.

Returning to the scan, I lay on my stomach and then flipped the blanket over myself. The doctor laughed and adjusted it before sending me in again. This time I closed my eyes and listened to the quiet music and hum of the machine instead of staring at the top of it less than a foot away. I didn't know how long it had been before I was pulled out again. The woman looked grim and I knew that that was not a good sign, neither was her having me turn over because that meant that they needed to see more of what was going on inside of my body.

"I'll take you back," she offered as she wheeled a wheel chair over to me. I slightly rolled my eyes, I could walk on my own to my hospital room but it was hospital policy that patients rode in wheelchairs to and from examination sites. As I was going out the door, I glanced to my left and caught sight of one of the monitors if only for a second.

As I entered the room, my brother sat there with Jacque and a woman I had never see before. They all stood up while I kept my expression the same. Both my brother and the doctor helped me back into the bed where a nurse came in, saying that she could take over from there. I knew that I would be staying for a while when the nurse hooked me up to an IV drip instead of taking the port out. Once the nurse left, my brother spoke up.

"So how did it go? Did they tell you anything?"

I kept my expression neutral as I shook my head no, referring to both of his questions. He sighed as hw pulled one of the chairs over and sat on my right, reaching out to grasp my hand in his hand "So nothing on the results?"

"I saw the monitor while I was leaving the room." I stated simply while my brother looked at me expectantly. "It lit up like a fucking Christmas tree."