Silence

-4-

        The envelope containing a letter lay strewn across the floor as I read the neat handwriting that the letter contained. It was from our aunt to my brother and it made me sick to read the words scribble across the crisp, white page of paper.

                        Simone,

I closed off the deal for your new apartment in Atlanta. You and Jacque will love the apartment, it’s just what you were asking for. I feel so guilty for saying this, but I feel that it’ll be best to just allow Alexander the freedom to live the few months that he has left, alone. It’ll be better for not only you, but him also. Also tell him I said hello and that he needs to take good care of himself. I hope to see him this month and maybe we can all have dinner together like we used to.

                                                        Your lovely aunt,

                                                                Francisca

        I wanted to throw up. How could Simone keep this from me? How could our aunt be covering this up, I didn't know that Simone wanted to leave. I knew that Simone was a thirty-one year old man and needed to live his own life but I had told him that I could take care of myself but he insisted that he needed to take care of me since our parents are both older now. I never wanted this to happen. Now I felt guilt set in, my heart getting heavy.

        Tears sprung up at the corner of my eyes and soon they were trailing down my puffy cheeks. I crawled over to the wall so I could sit against it. My head dropped onto my knees that were brought up to my chest. I was the reason that my brother was working his ass off day and night and not living his personal life. It was my fault that he worked overtime just to keep the family bakery company afloat. I was nothing but a waste of time and space. I was going to die and I didn't see the reason for trying to prolong my life when I am going to die. It's everyone's destiny to die without leaving much of a mark on the world. Sure, some people did great things but most were missed by few after their deaths, forgotten when those that remembered them died. It was a remorseless cycle that went with no meaning to it.

        Right at that moment, I wanted nothing more than to just die. What was the point of living when all I did was cause the people around me pain? I was a walking grenade that blew up and left shrapnel embedded in those around me, injuring them even after he was gone. I don't want to be a grenade, I want to be a picture on the wall that people glance at and don't have a second thought about as they pass. I want to be remembered, not mourned.

        I sat against my bedroom wall for hours, just thinking about people and the possible way life will be after I’m gone. I realized that I was just a number among many numbers. And I was just given a random number, a number that I was given with a low chance of defeating the cancer and living to see my twenty-seventh birthday.

        I pushed myself off the wall and crawled over to the letter lying in a heap on my bedroom floor. I neatly tucked back the letter  into the envelope. I then stood up and took the envelope with me and emerged from my room. Simone was now in the kitchen, making a late breakfast.

        "Morning, sleepy head. It’s about time you woke up," he said as he turned to glance back at me before returning to making breakfast.

        "I've been up for a while actually. I went out and got the mail not too long ago."

        "You heard what the doctor said, don’t push yourself too hard, Alexander. Anyway, did we get anything interesting?"

        "Actually yes, but you got something interesting," I answered as I brought up the envelope and threw it on the kitchen counter so he could take a look. The letter slipped out of the open end and was now lying on the granite countertop. Simone’s eyes went wide for a second before he composed himself and let out a sigh. He turned off the burner on the stove and turned to me.

        "I was going to tell you about that."

        "Sure you were! Why the hell didn't you tell me about this earlier? I would have stopped you from being my personal caretaker and granted you your freedom. I'm fine by myself, okay? I don't need you or your kindness to get by!"

        "Alexander, calm down. We should sit down and talk about this"

        "No! What I want to know is what you are going to do now. I told you to just leave me to take care of myself but obviously your egocentric ways got the best of you! You take care of your life and I’ll take care of mine! It's all bullshit, Simone!"

        My freedom was being taken away from me in this moment of misunderstanding. I hated everything and it seemed like everything hated me in turn. It wasn't fair, but when is it ever?

        "Alexander, everything’s going to be fine. Don’t worry," he said. I could tell that he was trying not to panic at my sudden  angry outburst.

        "No it's not! Nothing’s ever going to be fine."

        I ran over to the small table that sat in at the corner of the living room and grabbed the keys to  Simone’s Mercedes-Benz from the glass surface. I hurried out the door, slamming it as hard as I could behind me. I didn't care about the stress that my body was being out through, all I wanted to do was to get out of the house. Just for the moment.

        My brother ripped open the door, but it was already too late. I took a last glance at Simone before gunning the car backwards down the driveway. I sped off into the distance, the motor of the car roaring down the street.