Silence

-9-

I lay in my bed just staring up at the ceiling as the searing headache wouldn't allow me to move. I had found Simone walking around the kitchen, talking on the phone. When Simone had seen me, he shot me a stern look before leaving the house, with car keys in hand.  That was when it had started just two hours ago, the pounding headache in the back of my skull. It hurt so bad that I wanted to cry, to scream out in pain but I knew that that would only worsen the headache.

How I wished that I could just fall back asleep instead of lay under the covers just staring at the white paint all around me. But my body would not allow me to roll out of bed to take the grey sweatpants and white tshirt from my skin to replace them with newer ones. I was just not in the mood to do anything, not even get up to get a glass of water and some Alleve to calm the pain. Every little noise, even the small anoint of light that streamed in through my window hurt me somehow. I had also noticed that I slept a lot more than I used to and that it had gotten harder for me to walk around the house in the past couple of weeks. I also got irritated more easily and headaches were more frequent. I wasn't stupid, I knew that I only had a small amount of time left before I was going to be stuck in a hospital bed but I didn't want to worry my brother or parents.

I let out a sigh as I ran my hands through the little amount of hair that I had left. Another chunk came out and I brought my hand to my face, hair follicles sticking out between my fingers. It pained me to see that this hair was now being lost but it was inevitable. It was then that I decided that it was time to shave my head, there was no use in trying to keep hair if all it did was keep coming out anyway.

I was losing everything. My hair, strength, even personality was beginning to change. I was more irritated with simple things that used to not be a big deal. Now I was also seeming to lose the relationship that I had with my brother, I was always seeming to be somehow agitated with him for one thing or another, whether that be a rational or irrational reason. I knew that my time was coming soon.

My eyes widened as I pushed myself from the bed, rushing to to the bathroom as fast as I could before lifting the toilet seat. What I had eaten the night before came up without warning. I leaned down, wiping my mouth as the nausea finally washed over me as I sunk to my knees. How disgusting, now I was puking my guts out. I wandered if this was a side effect of the cancer or if I was just sick. I guessed that the headache that was now pounding was a side effect.

I was about to pull the handle when I noticed the red that floated in the water. I stared at the blood, slightly shocked as my throat was burning because of the stomach acid. Where had the blood come from? I flushed the toilet and got up, rinsing my mouth out with mouth wash before turning the lights on. I groaned and covered my eyes, my headache spiking with the increased amount of light in my surroundings. As soon as I got used to the brightness, I removed my hand from my face, checking in the mirror if I had any cuts in my mouth.

The search came up as a negative as I searched my mouth for a cut or some reason other than just puking up blood.

I put my hands on either side of the sink, staring at them wide eyed. "That's impossible."

But maybe it wasn't. What if the cancer had spread to other parts of his body? I now wondered if I was a walking disease, full of cancer that was now slowly taking more and more of my life each day. I glanced back into my room at the cell phone on the night stand, deciding to call my brother. As I exited the bathroom, my legs gave out, my knees buckling as I quickly grabbed onto the dresser that was just outside the door frame. It must have been another sign, weakness in my limbs.

Finally, I made it to the night stand beside my bed and grabbed my phone as I sat down. I scrolled through my contacts, finding my brother's number and calling it. I picked up on the third ring with a happy greeting. "Hello, did you want me to pick you up something from the store? I'm in the check out line right now."

"No, that's not it..."

Something in my voice must have told him that something was wrong, that something had happened to me while he was away. His breathing stopped on the other end. "What's wrong, it must be bad if you're calling me."

I broke down in tears, my sobs aching my brother on the other end who was now very concerned. "I threw up this morning, it was mostly blood. I don't know what to do or what it means."

I heard a sigh on the other end and then some quick exchange of words with someone else. "I will be home in a few minutes, can you hang on until then?"

"Yeah, I'm not going to die yet," I said sarcastically, my sobs turning to hiccups. For me, it was unnatural to cry and for anyone, it was unnatural for the tears to stop this soon.

"Just stay calm, I will be there soon."

"Okay, but do you think that it could mean something?" I asked quickly before he hung up. I could hear the beeps of the checkout in the background.

"Like what?"

"Do you think it has spread?"