Gone! ~ Dsmp

twenty!- surprise

it was officially time for eden to go into the hospital, having only twenty four hours to prepare for surgery, she had spent all of yesterday with clay, doing things that she loved, they visited the library and the record store. so that eden would have things to read after her surgery and she would have music to listen to, they went to the fanciest restaurants to eat, they had wanted the nicest food but it didn't satisfy the, in the end they ended up going to get sushi, which was so much better. it was nice spending the day with dream, it relieved her of some stress, and it was nice being one of the first people to see his face, her exact words when she saw him were 'your gorgeous'  he had laughed at that.

eden had to admit that she envied his choice of being faceless, of course she loved her fans but taking photos with them was stressful, especially in times like these. in these moments she wanted to cherish her time, after all, she could die in surgery, that was one of her biggest worries, she hadn't said goodbye yet, she had to say goodbye to everyone.

it wasn't often that eden prayed anymore but she was praying in the car drive to the hospital and dream respected that, turning the music off and staying silent, focusing on the road, saying his own little prayers for her.

"im nervous" she told him, bouncing her leg, they had gotten to the hospital a few minutes ago and the clean, hand sanitiser smell was already getting to her, "its okay, you don't go into surgery until tomorrow, there's nothing to worry about" he told her, placing his hand on her bouncing knee to calm her which he thought worked as she had stopped, that was until sane started bouncing the other leg.

"miss eden mathews" a nurse called, reading edens name out from a file that was held down onto a clipboard, both eden and clay stood up, following the nurse who led them to edens room for the next week.

"another nurse will be her in a minute to prepare you for tomorrow" the nurse told her before waling out of the room, most likely to go sort out another patient, eden plopped herself onto the bed, clay onto the chair.

only eden knew what the other nurse would be coming in to do, clay still had no idea what it was and eden would rather him see it than her tell him.

she would wait to tell him till it's actually  happening so she would have the opportunity to see the shock on his face, it would be absolutely hilarious, in a dark and morbid way.

"hello eden, my name is nurse kerry, i'm here to-" the nurse started to say but eden only smiled before interrupting her "okay" she grinned, of course she wasn't excited to have part of her head shaved but she was trying to make some light of the situation and in this situation it would be clays shock.

the nurse ushered clay out of his seat and moved it into the middle of the room so that eden could sit down, the nurse wrapped a towel around edens back before going straight for it, well not exactly, she carefully shaved edens head in the place where she would be getting surgery.

clay gasped in surprise, eden was known for adoring her hair, but he guessed she didn't really have a choice anymore, after surgery the chemo would make it fall out anyway. there's nothing eden can really do. eden laughed half-heartedly at the look of utter shock on his face.

she hadn't even realised she was crying until clay knelt down on the floor, placing a hand on her knee to steady himself as he wiped a few of the tears from her cheeks with his thumb. 

"i don't even know why im crying" eden laughed, but the laughing quickly faded into her soft cried, she hated this, ever since being diagnosed she felt so helpless, she felt like everyone was pitying her and looking down at her, but why, she had been thinking about that alot. she had been reading about people's cancer stories and she couldn't stop thinking about it.

she had read one ladies story, it was from a few years ago, most of it was rather sad, it had been written by her husband after her death and he had included a letter she had written  to him, the lady had been writing letters instead of speaking because she physically couldn't, her cancer had gotten that bad that it had taken almost everything from her, everything except her life.

'the only way for us to achieve true happiness is to love what we have now, that's why i think i'm rather lucky because while i might know that my time is coming to an end, all i've got is pity for the rest of you, because i wake up knowing that i'm dying and you wake up denying that you'll eventually go through it all too, ill miss you my dearest, but i want your to live your life without anticipation of the future, my life has been short and sweet and the way i want to be remembered is through your actions, be crazy and spontaneous sometimes, we all fear death, we fear the day that we eventually die but i've learnt to accept it and these have been some of the happiest moments of my entire, twenty four year life, i love you jamie'  

That letter had hit eden hard, she had cried reading that letter both because it was sad and at some point she realised that she would be saying things like that too, she would be accepting her death and she was so scared of that, that woman was but a year older than her and had been going through the same thing, yet she seemed so resilient and strong, it really scared her.

"You do know why your crying eden, is it because of your hair, it will grow back don't worry" clay reassured her but the truth is she wasn't crying about her hair, she was crying because this was the first step of many on her path to death. She really doesn't care about her hair, her hair would all be gone soon anyway, after the chemo and the radiation it would all be gone.

Her hair would be the first of many things to go, eventually everything would be gone. Because eventually eden will die, eden would be gone forever, all that's left of her will be the memories she has left behind.