Limitless

Disengage

I dreamed that night of whispered horrors in the trees, naked bodies in a lake and a voice, familiar but too distant to remember, calling me darling.

My eyes opened, my heart racing. But there was nothing but soft morning light spilling into the room. There was a very heavy arm draped over me, completely immovable, warmth at my back. I twisted underneath it and the evening before came rushing back to me mortifyingly. I had cried. I felt the heat rise to my cheeks. The last thing I needed at this point was for Fabian to think me weak. He was already formidable and, if I had to admit it, a little threatening. For some reason it bothered me that there was a possibility that he would think less of me. I sighed heavily. He was still out cold. I shifted again, this time to turn over and look at his face. He took up much more of the bed than I had anticipated. It had looked large last night but now, with Fabian in it, it was way too small for his particular man-size. I mean, Sirius would have fitted comfortably...

Sirius.

My heart stopped beating and my breath caught in my throat. Something I did must have caught Fabian's attention because his eyes shot open. He was immediately on guard. He curled his arm around me, pulling me closer, pressing me against his body, while his other dove arm underneath the pillow and retrieved his wand.

"What?" he asked, his voice rough and curt.

"Nothing." I said immediately trying to calm the situation down, "I just got a fright, nothing is wrong." I said placing a hand on his chest.

He eyed me for a moment before relaxing his monumental grip on my body although he was still drawing rapid breath. He continued to look at me and I began to feel a little strange. I wanted to move away from him but at the same time...

"Are you feeling better?" He asked out of nowhere while he continued to stare rather intensely at me, my body still pressed against his.

"Much." I said in a small whisper. I wasn't lying; I did feel much better. My mind went back to the previous day again. I could remember everything that had happened, everything I had said and done but the thing that was startlingly absent was emotion. Until the pain, I had felt nothing since my fight with Sirius.

"Shit." I said shaking my head dislodging myself from Fabian.

"What is it Yves?" he said in a warm voice, the same one he had used with me last night.

"I shouldn't be here." I said throwing my legs over the side of the bed. I felt a little weaker than I had but I was probably still tired, I had apparated a lot yesterday and over quite a distance.

"Why?" he asked and I heard the bed creak behind me.

"Because I should have gone back to Headquarters, not come here." I said. I didn't mean it to sound as harsh as it had come out. I turned around to see Fabian casually leaning against the cupboard beside me. He was still wearing nothing but his pajama pants, which looked completely absurd on him with his burly beard and masculine features. I didn't know exactly what I had expected him to wear to bed but this wasn't it. I didn't mean to look but my eyes sort of just slid over his torso. His muscles were bulky and defined, his skin full of scars and tattoos. It couldn't have been more than three seconds of looking but he noticed and by the time my eyes were at his eyes again, he was wearing a cheeky grin. He didn't have to say it. I had been checking him out and we both knew it. I felt a rush of guilt and embarrassment so I turned and began rummaging through my backpack. Before I could find my clothes I heard the bathroom door close and the shower begin running. I changed quickly thinking over last night.

I didn't really need to feel this guilty about spending the night with Fabian. Sure, we had sort of cuddled but he was consoling me and, well, the rest I don't know because I was basically dead to the world. But it felt like a copout. I should have gone home but I came here instead. Sirius and I were more than just a simple argument weren't we? I thought about how he was bound to react when I told him about spending the night with Fabian. I would tell him, no matter the consequence, and if he would let me, I would explain the whole thing to him from beginning to end. Not that it excused the act, but because it would give him context. What he did with the information was up to him.