Life is a game.. and I never wanted to enter this stupid game! I never want to. I hate it. I hate everything about me, and my life! Yung kamalasan ko? Yung wala akong love life! And there is no one to be trust on except for Tofie and mom. I don't want to feel like this! I don't want to feel useless, but I also don't want to feel being use or used! Minsan napapaisip ako kung isa akong kamalian. Kung hindi ba talaga ako nararapat na mag stay dito sa earth. I should be the one who is dead right now... my mom never called me I think she still can't get over that my sister died because of me. But I can't say that she don't love me anymore! Infact she do! She cares for me.. and that's enough... I deserve the pain. I deserve the punishment! For pete's sake I am the reason why my family is fading away! If I didn't play with Searin at the road, she won't get hit by a truck, dad never have to go home and be on that stupid plane crash, and mom wouldn't have to leave!
I opened my eyes as I felt my pillow getting wet... I've been pointing my parents as the cause of me being so unfortunate, being so miserable. But this is all my fault. Kinuha ko ang cellphone kong nakacharge at tiningnan kung anong time..
3am
I fixed myself and went downstairs.. I must clean the house.. yan ang ginagawa ko para makalimutan ko ang mga ngyari sa buhay ko... sa ngyari sa pesteng buhay ko.. as I get the broom, to sweep the floor, bumalik lahat ng ala ala ko. Not that I have amnesia.. I don't have that.. but then these memories are the memories I already thrown away...
My tears fell non-stop. I tried to stop my sobs but I can't. Shit! I don't want nobody to hear me crying! I keep catching my breath.. I can't stop crying! I FUCKING WANT TO STOP!! "Just stop god damn it!" I told my self while pulling my shirt... shit! "Stop.. please! Please!!" I said between my sobs! Saka na ako napaupo sa kapagod.. napapagod na ako...
"Leave me alone!!!" I might sound crazy telling my memories to leave me alone!but this is the only way to do! And now I keep hitting my head my my hands! I hope I will have amnesia just by hitting my head! "Argh!!!" Still hitting my head with my hands... mas nilajasan ko pa ang pag papalo palo ng ulo ko..
"Vhas! Crap! What the hell ard you doing!!" A voice of a man I heard told me.. but I didn't bother looking he he was, infact! I just keep on doing it.. maya maya i felt something hold my hand. "Stop that god damn it!"
"Leave me alone!!" I told him then pushed him away from me. I don't need him! I freakin don't need him!!
ZOE'S POV
"Argh!!!" Kanina ko pang naririnig na may umiiyak, alam kong natatakot ako, but it sounds like someone I know. I went to the kitchen kung saan yun nanggaling, nagulat nalang ako sa nakita ko..
"Vhas! Crap! What the hell are you doing!!" I shouted at this women, why the hell is she hitting herself?! Why the hell is she crying!!? But then she didn't turned to face me.. ipinagpatuloy lang niya yung ginagawa niya "Stop that god damn it!" I said as I hold her arms tight so that her hands won't land on her head again. Grabe ka ka-sadista!
"Leave me alone!!" She told me as she faced me and pushed me away from her, shit! Pinagpatuloy niya yun gawin. I can't look much longer! So then I hug her "stop it!" I shouted at her well at least ngayon hindi na sa ulo niya dumadapo ang kanyang mga kamay, sa likod ko na -.- masakit.
"BITAWAN MO AKO!"
"Hindi kita bibitawan kung patuloy mong sasaktan ang sarili mo!" I told her still higging her. Hindi ko alam kung anong ginagawa ko.. i don't know why am I hugging her.. At the moment I first saw her I know she's one fragile person. Every class we have in Aikido I keep on watching her, like I am some sort of her guardian angel. I felt hurt when I saw her fell at nawalan siya ng malay, kaya agad ko siyang binitbit.
It's like I'm tied to her or something.
"You're crazy." She told me still crying. Pero huminto na siya sa kahahampas..I know she's tired. And. She should be! "You're insane." Sabi ko naman sakanya.. "Let me go Zowie." Ikina iinis ko din na hindi niya ako tinatawag by my nickname. Everyone is calling me that except her! "I told you it's Zoe. And I will not let go of you unless you will stop hurting yourself Vhas." I told her again as I felt her punching my back again..
"So you won't let go of me forever?" She asked me.. yan ang ikinataka ko.. "why did you said that?"
"I will never stop hurting myself unless I'm dead.."
"Why?" I suddenly asked her...
"Ang malas ko kasi eh... and the person I love won't love me back.. even if he loves me back I can't love him..." she told me like the world is so unfair to her... I pity her.. all these time.. in her laughter, in her smile, she hides all the pain... she's just wearing a mask..
"Why won't you love him back if he does?" Tanong ko ulit sakanya, hoping that she will feel better, kailangan lang niyang ipalabas ang lahat... "because I'm afraid of being hurt again..." she finally told me.. saka ko naramdaman na nakatulog na siya... poor her...
"Savannah Ivers.. i never know.." I told her as I caress her hair.. then smiled weakly "But whatever happens I will promise to protect you... Sempai..."
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Attention!
Haha! Baka hindi ako makaka ud next week at next next week mag babakasyon kasi kami eh, pero kung makakahanap ako ng wifi.. mag uud ako..
