The Monster In Me

Chapter Eleven

Nalea

"Give me a second," I said. I was trying to distract myself. I talked to Gray, it was time to have the same conversation with Z now. I think it was easier to tell Gray because I didn't see him every day, even if he had rejected the bond, it wouldn't hurt as much.

But with Zaiden it was different, I saw him almost every day. He had a habit of tuning out his own emotions, fixated on helping someone else, he dealt with other people's feelings more than he dealt with his own.

It was hard to see where he was at, he was good at shielding his heart.

I headed straight for my closet, leaving him on the couch. I left my leggings on, changing into a crop top. I walked out into my bedroom, suddenly noticing that I hadn't made my bed this morning. I noticed my sweatshirt had fallen on the floor, and that my plants weren't centered.

One by one I fixes my dirty habits, fixing the painting that hung above my bed, my room was plain, styled simple. My whole apartment was, whites, greys, potted plants, vines, a mixture of all my personality.

Would this place bring him the same calm and comfort it did me? Should I have taken him somewhere else? I picked up a hair band but instead of placing holding up my hair with it, I put it around my wrist heading out to face Z.

I'm fine I tell myself.

'Are you?' Asked Willow.

Yes.

'He's not going to abandon us.' She reassured.

Yeah maybe, I didn't bother replying to her. I only knew him what? Two weeks, if he left it wouldn't be that big of a deal. He didn't owe me anything.

I took a breath shaking these thoughts away, realizing it was my insecurities showing their ugly face. I'm not a little girl anymore, I'm not going to be left scared and defenseless, I could take care of myself.

I took care of me.

I did for three whole years, and so far I'm still alive.

When I caught Z's gaze I gave him my biggest smile. "Hi." I was being awkward.

"Hi," he said. Maybe he was trying to match the energy in the room. I took an internal breath, composing myself. I didn't want to suffocate him with my emotions, I didn't fully know how that worked yet. He needed to feel his own, not mine. Times like this would have been great to have my other necklace.

Maybe he needed one, a charm I mean, he'd be able to tune out everyone else's emotions completely. I couldn't exactly lend him mine, it was at Gray's. Mine was also designed to suppress everything, he'd be disconnected from his wolf, and I would catch his intoxicating scent.

Maybe I could find a spell, my parents made one specific to me, but he lived his whole life with his wolf, I'd imagine the insanity it would bring anyone. 

I walk over to him, staring into his golden eyes, they reminded me of nature, the greens, and browns from the trees and grass, the yellow, it reminded me of the sun. His almost black hair, the way it was styled, yet messy all at the same time, perhaps from me running my hand through it. I'd seen all that in five seconds, what would happen if I had my whole life to just admire him?

I never really like the word handsome, to me it didn't send the right message, and it didn't match either, that word did nothing, Zaiden was beautiful, his angular jaw loose with the slight uplift of his lips, he wasn't smiling but he wasn't frowning either.

Zaiden took my hand tugging me onto his lap. I was straddling him. He took his time, studying me, studying my eyes. I knew they were unnatural looking, they were grey and it wasn't natural, I think I was born with the colour, my eyes were dark brown right up until my twelfth birthday.