Little One - Lashton

Epilogue

I really don't like it when I do this. Pick my nails to their end. I don't like the panic attacks. I don't like that I'm such a messed up boy. Sadly, there is nothing anyone can do about that.

The thing that really gets to me is when I say that I like Blake Holland. I hate saying that aloud. I'm not a homophob. That's impossible when I have two gay dads. I just really don't want to date a boy. I was bullied when I was younger for having two gay dads, I think they scared me out of liking boys. But Blake Holland... is adorable. I have to admit that.

Papa says that I should embrace my feelings or whatever. I really don't think I can. It's weird to think that I'll be kissing a boy... Plus they probably wouldn't cast me as 'guy' roles anymore, considering I would have to kiss a girl. I don't mind though. Stage kisses aren't the same... they are quick and normally don't mean anything... unless you want it to mean something .

Dad is really worried about my anxiety more than anything. He is always watching me to make sure I don't do anything. Like, I would cut or commit suicide. I really don't understand him sometimes. He is ether mad at me or nice to me. Never really in the middle.

Now I'm sorry to disappoint, but everything is spiraling out  of control. My life was always planned out. I always felt like I would have to be successful to live up to my Papa or I had to like Ella, because Dad and Papa always joked about that. But none of that is going to happen, because starting today... I'm gonna disappear.

Papa don't look for me. Dad don't worry about me. I love you guys, I really do, but I just can't- do this anymore. Trying to live up to something... I know you guys don't really expect anything form me expect to be an ideal son. But can't you see, I can't be that. I think it will be better for everyone if I go.

I hope this won't change anything. Do me a favor, tell Ella that I've known about her crush on her and that I love her. And tell Blake, that I... love him. Do that... as my last wish. No, I'm not going to commit suicide. I just... I'm going away.

You probably will read this and I'll be long gone, but it's none of your faults. I just.... can't. I know I've said this, but... I need to go. Please understand that- I'm crying now- this is hard for me. And I know I'm only seventeen. I would be out of your hair next year anyway. I don't think you'll care if I disappear a year earlier.

If someone else other than my Papa or my Dad find this, give it to them. Don't find it, don't just think it's a prank it's not. This is real. I'm writing this while Dad and Papa are out. I'm home alone, and I'm actually thinking if I should just go now. Instead of running away hours later.

I can see about a thousand things that can take my life in a complete second. Maybe if I do that now, I would have to run away.

So maybe this is a suicide note. So maybe I have thought about cutting, or going out of this world. The most depressed people are the happy drama geeks  I guess. When you see this note, just know the ink smeared because this is hard.

When Papa and Dad get back I'll be gone. Please don't try and save me. If you save me though, please make sure I don't remember anything. I don't want to remember anything. I don't wanna remember my messed up life.

I should end this soon, this is already too long. But I have so much more to say. I miss being a little kid. There were no worries back than. Why is it like that? Why when you grow up, the problem grow. The stress grow, everything gets harder and harder, until people like me, let everything overcome them until everything is dead inside so they can do this.

I now want to tell you how I plan to kill myself so at least you can tell the doctors. Overdose on my anxiety pills. I know it's sad, but...

I love you Dad.

I just took the three pills

I love you Papa.

I took three more.

I love you Ella.

Three more.

I love you Blake.

Three more.

But I hate this world.

The rest of the bottle.

I'm shakily writing the ending because everything is kicking in.

Suicide is easier than I thought,

Evan

-

"Evan we're home!" Luke screams. "E!" Luke goes upstairs, and covers his mouth at the sight. "ASH! COME UP HERE!"

Ashton runs upstairs. "No... He didn't." Ashton notices the note at the side of Evan's desk, and quickly scans his eyes over it, crying and he shakily hands it to Luke.

"Oh my god. No... No! No! No!" Luke says, crying way too hard. Ashton grabs the phone and calls 911. He knew he was already dead, but he couldn't stand it.

Soon there were sirens. Calum and Michael were there with Ella. Blake was having a meltdown. Everything was terrible.

When they get to the hospital, he was in the emergency room for over five hours before a doctor comes out.

"He's alive. Barely, but he's hanging on." Ashton takes a deep breath. "You can go see him, he is very drowsy but awake." Luke grabs Ashton's hand and they go into the room.

Their son. His eyes barely opened. Almost dead. The heart monitor was slowly slowing down. Ashton and Luke knew there was nothing they could do. He would be dead. The end...

The heart monitor comes to a blank line... Ashton screams. His little baby, gone before he was.

Maybe there little baby was just too perfect.

Maybe it just wasn't meant to last...

Maybe their little one isn't so little anymore.

Little One has grown up and left right before Ashton and Luke's eyes.

Little One is now gone, and so is Ashton's complete heart.

Little One is now gone, and Luke is forever incomplete.

That night Luke sings... but it's not the same.

That night Ashton sings along... but it's not the same.

That night everything is different.

Everything for Luke and Ashton is done.

Everything is terrible without Little One.