Wondrous Journey (completed)

4

It's been two in a half weeks since I saw or heard from Nestor. 

I know that him working for the cartel he'd be busy handling the security part of the ordeal. but he's never gone a long time without contacting me in some way to let me know he's gonna be gone long and that he's okay.

I've waited by my phone for his call and I've gone by Miguel's place only to be told by Emily that they weren't back yet.

I'm worried sick about him which its much worse than when he walks out the door.

I've tried countless times to distract my mind but nothing has been working.

I've gone outside to try and just enjoy time with Gunner but that hasn't worked.

I've gone shopping for some groceries, I've had my car worked on, and I've run some errands to try not to worry so much or think of bad things that could've happened.

I had heard by passer talking about some show that they were gonna have and I overheard one talking about fireworks.

I could only hope that the show wasn't gonna be near my place and that they wasnt gonna be firing fireworks. 

I didn't wanna deal with PTSD while I was alone. grant Gunner is gonna be with me. but he can only do so much. while Gernally Nestor has ways to help me out when I have those moments.

I headed home and ate, took a shower, and tried to keep myself busy and not think of anything having to do with possible fireworks that would trigger my PTSD but the sounds of the people outside told me that not only was the show close by but the fireworks were gonna be as well.

 when I heard the first round of fireworks my mind, was triggered back to where I was on the front line and it was the enemy firing at my squadron.  I jumped up off the couch and took off up to my room where I hid in the closet over in the corner practically tucking into myself. 

Gunner came running and found me and nudged his way into my arms. I wrapped my arms around him using one arm to try and block the sounds out as I pressed my ear against Gunner's fur.

but it didn't help keep the sounds out. I grabbed my phone and turned on some music and cranked the volume but that didn't help me either. so I turned it off and closed my eyes squeezing them tight as I rocked myself and Gunner back and forth praying the sounds would go away.

it was roughly past midnight when the sounds finally stopped. 

at that time I was a mess. I let Gunner go but he stayed by my side as I sobbed.

I needed Nestor and he wasnt here which hurts.

I laid down right where I was and just cried myself to sleep as Gunnr laid by me curling up close.

I woke up sometime later and slowly got up and walked out of my closet before I headed into the bathroom to wash my face.

"you okay?" I heard 

I jumped and held my chest

"son of a bitch Nestor" I cursed

"sorry, I thought you heard me" he says

I couldn't see him cause he was in my blind spot.

"no I didnt hear you" I tell him as I walked out the bathroom and headed for the door.

"where are you going?" he asked

"I'm hungry I couldn't eat diner last night" I replied

"why not?" he asked

"I was in the clsoet suffering PTSD do to the fucking fireworks that they was blasting nearby." I replied

he says nothing so I coniuted on with what I was gonan do.

"are you ok?" he asked

I stopped sort of grabbing what I was reaching for and I sighed while dropping my head. 

"no" I answered

I could hear him moving and as he got closer I held my hand out stopping him from touching me.

"what?" he asked

I shut the fridge and dropped my hand before walking off.

"what?" he asked again

"I needed you last night. and you wasnt there. I was so fucking scared and deeply in my head that I was a damn mess. Gunner couldn't even help me. music didnt help, the one person that could help me wasnt there when I needed him. so don't try and comfort me Nestor. " I tell him

"I was working" he says

"Yea I know. " I tell him

"so you fucking pissed at me for doing my job?" he asked

I shook my head and sank down on the nearby chair.

"well?" he asked

"I'm pissed at you for not letting me know you're alive and doing okay. I'm pissed off for being so fucking far in my head that I couldn't come back till the bullshit was done and over with. I was a damn mess last night and all the fuck alone." I say

I could see him and he made no sound to tell where he was so I assumed he was close by.

"I get that this job of yours is something you can't control. that your Miguel's security. but you've never gone that length of time you had without calling or letting me know someway that you are alive and that your gonna be outta touch for a bit or how ever long. but you didnt and I was thinking the worse."I tell him

"What do you want me to do then?" he asked

I closed my eyes and shook my head as I rubbed my face.

"nothing Oceteva. nothing at all" I say to him before I opened my eyes dropped my hands and walked outta the room.