Lavender Snow

Restless nights

"Mom!"

Kristin sat bolt upright with a gasp. The figure standing next to her bed flinched back, shaking.

"T-Tommy?" She said, squinting in the dark. "What's wrong?"

Tommy wrapped his arms around himself. "I-I know it's d-dumb, I shouldn't be here, It— it's stupid, b-but. . ."

"But?" Kristin leaned over and turned on her lamp. Tommy's face was suddenly bathed in yellow light, golden tears rolling down his cheeks. "Oh Toms, did you have another nightmare?"

He nodded quickly, biting his lip.

"Do you want me to wake Phil up?" She said, glancing over at her snoring husband.

Tommy shook his head. "N-no, I'm sorry, I can just go back to bed."

Kristin rubbed her eyes. "You don't have to go if you don't want to, Tommy."

"But I don't want to wake Dad up." Tommy turned and started walking towards the door. "Sorry, you can go back to sleep."

Kristin swung her legs off the bed and came up to him, wrapping his shaking body in a hug. He tensed, then relaxed, letting out a sob.

"I'm not going to leave you when you need me, Tommy," she assured him, rubbing circles in his back. "Do you want us to go to your room or somewhere else?"

"'Boo's asleep," he mumbled into her nightgown.

"Okay. How about we go to the kitchen? I'll make us some hot chocolate." Kristin squeezed him, then led him down the stairs.

Tommy didn't want to let go, so she let him cling to her while she microwaved two mugs of milk and stirred in the cocoa powder with a tiny bit of cinnamon. Finally, they sat on the couch together, in silence while Kristin waited for him to start.

Tommy stared at his mug. "It wasn't the nightmare that was bad."

Kristin took a gulp of her cocoa. "Okay."

Tommy sighed. "I was just. . . remembering again. In the End, you're not allowed— you don't touch others. It wasn't part of the rules, and it's not like anyone monitored us in the apartments, so I don't know why we didn't ever touch each other, it's just how it was. So when you had a nightmare, you didn't do anything. You just go back to sleep and try to be happy so you can recharge."

"Ah." Kristin raised her hand and scratched his scalp, leaning her head against his blond curls. "You can only recharge when happy, so sadness isn't accepted very well, is it?"

"No!" Tommy's voice cracked. "We aren't allowed to be sad, or angry, or afraid. . . hell, we weren't even allowed to hate pain! That's rule number one! Pain is good! And I just— I don't know how to deal with this, and it's just so, so fucked up!"

Tommy started crying again, and Kristin pulled him closer, murmuring quiet assurances to him.

"I don't know," he sobbed, "I just hate that there are still people there living like that, like there must have been hundreds of apartments, thousands of Enderians being taught that, and never knowing better. . . when I was brought I was five, but there were people even younger that were in my apartment! I hate it! I hate the emperor!"

"Oh, Tommy," Kristin said, hugging him. "I know, bubs, it's not right. But isn't it good that you realize that? Look how much you've grown! You were so scared and hurt when we found you, but you know what? You've changed! You're so strong and brave! You were brave when you ran away from your bad foster parents, you were brave when you told Wilbur and Techno you have powers, you were brave when you let us adopt you. . . I'm so proud of you!"