December Rain فتاة الغاب

حديثنا الأول || Our first conversation

Sarah POV

The December rain wasn't the only thing that made me fond of that period of my life. Simple things like those bells you heard every hour, or the brown color that covered the city due to its dark-colored buildings, made me feel attached. I lived in a charming and melancholic city. I remember the day I was sitting alone on that bench in the university garden, daydreaming. Yes, I felt jealous of someone, even though I don't usually do that. For some reason, I felt hatred toward someone, a classmate, despite having no logical reasons for that feeling. They say girls usually feel jealous of each other, but I felt that way towards a guy.

I was so deep in thought that I didn't hear the bells I always waited to hear. Someone suddenly stood in front of me. I didn't have any friends; for a moment, I thought it was Bella's boyfriend, but it was that mysterious musician boy.

"Can I sit?" he asked calmly. I moved my bag to make room for him to sit.

"I didn't expect to see you again."

"I wanted to give you this book. I took it from you as usual, and you just ignored it."

"It's okay, you can keep it. I know you like reading. It doesn't matter; I don't feel like reading books right now."

"You must be upset. I'll go then. I believe staying alone might solve the matter."

He said and stood up to leave, but I grabbed his hand to stop him from going.

"Maybe I'll drown in my thoughts if you leave. I believe that sometimes staying alone makes life worse."

"But I won't be able to help," he said, pulling his hand away. He was so calm that I thought he wouldn't care. He was that kind of person. But suddenly, he sat down again.

"It's okay, I can stay. I won't ask you anything," he said, and I smiled. I wanted him to ask me, but even though I knew he wouldn't care, I still said:

"Do you have any bad traits?"

"Everyone has good and bad traits. For example, I am emotionally numb and indifferent. I don't empathize with anyone, and no one can break the ice, the barrier I always put around me. Also, I am selfish and only care about my own interests. I won't help someone if I don't have something to gain."

I smiled involuntarily and then looked at the book. I was the kind of person who feared looking into others' eyes, so I avoided looking into his. But he seemed confident, unlike me. Even when he was recounting those bad traits, he was aware of them and accepting of himself. He had the confidence I lacked.

"I'm a bad person," I said in a low voice, but he smiled and replied:

"Have you stolen from someone, perhaps killed, or maybe kidnapped someone?"

"What?"

"As long as you haven't done that, you're a good person, and there's no need to think about those silly feelings as long as your hands are clean."

"I don't know why I feel jealous of him. He was always that top student, and he got my dream job while I'm just a failure sitting alone, waiting for those silly bells."

"You mean the big clock at the end of the street? I also love hearing its chimes. How strange, we have many things in common except you like books and music while I don't."

"But you always borrow books and play music."

"I've told you before, I have my reasons. Maybe if I had a friend, I'd stop reading books. I hate that feeling when I finish a book and then have to return to that painful reality."

"You resort to books to not feel lonely. It's a good plan but temporary. Why do you push everyone away? You should have someone to share your loneliness."