OCs Ramblings

Selfishness

Alex wasn't a romantic, he doubts anyone that knows him would call or consider him such.

He was a pessimistic introvert with a heart of gold, perhaps, but he wasn't any romantic sort.

Perhaps its due to his traumatic experiences with any related to romance or anything relatively intimate, but he's not really interested in it.

Well, until he met Zane...okay, maybe that's a lie.

When he first met Zane Allen, the Number Six Hero, he wasn't impressed. The man was loud and egotistical, yet seemed to cave to his nerves the minute he saw Alex. Was it due to his rank or power? Maybe the man just doesn't like people who question his greatness.

Yet, after years and years, Alex has appreciated Zane's charm. The man's nervousness slowly fading away after much hours spent together.

And eventually, a few feelings had surfaced. Now that Alex looks back on it, perhaps he was just dense to Zane's obvious crush on him. That would explain his nervousness.

Either way, when their feelings had eventually grown and flowered into what it is now, Zane had asked him out.

Alex hadn't really known what to think of it at first, yet had agreed to it. He expected many things, just not bouquets sent to him every Friday or Saturday for weeks on end, to the point, Alex had to buy many vases for them.

He also didn't expect Zane meeting him at the Base and kissing him goodbye every time they saw each other.

Nor did he expect Zane to fuck him on Cruz's desk, but that's a thought for another day.

So, he's not really a romantic, but lord, he does adore Zane's gifts and love. He always makes Alex feel wanted and cherished, which is something he's never really felt before. Maybe something he doesn't deserve to feel, but god, is it so bad for him to be selfish for once?

He's tired of hating himself and pining over Cruz who obviously doesn't like him, or at the very least like him the way Alex wants him to. Plus, Alex feels a tad bit uncomfortable remembering his uncanny similarity to Cruz's deceased wife.

And honestly, Zane's smallest affections feel much more real than all of Cruz's biggest ones. He truly feels needed in Zane's life, while replaceable in Cruz's.

Perhaps he's selfish, he is, for wanting to be needed so badly. But he's never been wanted before, and he really likes it.

Every hug, every kiss, every touch, has made him so happy. He's euphoric. He's joyful.

He's so, so thankful for Zane's mere presence in his life. He truly does not deserve him.

And for once, maybe he doesn't need to prove himself to someone.

Perhaps Zane's standards are low, but Alex just needs this.

He loves this unconditional love and he doesn't think he can let it go.

Now now. Not ever.

He's pathetic, maybe.

He's selfish, he's so selfish.

But if Zane's words are any indicator.

Zane is selfish too.

--

Zane adores Alex.

He didn't know why, how or when, but he developed a small crush on the man years ago. Even before officially meeting.

But can you blame him? Alex is gorgeous. His voice demands respect whenever he gives a speech or orders someone. His eyes are elegant and every time they zero on him, Zane can feel his heart skip a beat.

His hands are the gentlest things and Zane loves holding and kissing them. His hair is precious and his freckles are adorable.

The man's intelligence is not to be tested either, while being pretty dense when it comes to anything resembling a social life, the man knows how to fight and catch attention when he wants to. It's no wonder the HA isn't in hell, Alex is the one keeping its head on.

Oscar Cruz does not deserve his position, not when Alex exists.

Okay, and maybe he's slightly bitter the senior citizen got Alex's affections before, but whatever.

When Alex had gifted him a pair of bracelets, Zane didn't know what to think. He isn't a jewelry guy, per say, not for bracelets at least. But the silver and sapphires really did compliment him.

Although, Zane thinks Alex is perfect in many regards, his best feature is definitely his smile. Any smile is amazing, but the one where he scrunches up his nose and grins really does make Zane blush like a teenager.

When he had asked Alex out, he was 100% expecting a rejection, yet Alex accepted it and they had went on their first date only two days later.

Zane was..over the moon.

While Alex clearly still held feelings for Cruz, the man also loved him! Zane! Him!

He really is such a lucky man.

Perhaps he's selfish to want Alex's affections for himself, but it's hard not to, when his affections feel like a gift from God, himself.

Zane would gladly be condemned to Hell if it meant spending more time with Alex when he's alive.

He hasn't felt alive in years, but now...

Now he has Alex.

And that's all he really needs.