early november, 1995
cedric,
my mind is a labyrinth and i cannot find my way out.
three months, eleven days and i still seem to capture a memory of us at a corner, your laughter replaying over and over in my head at every turn, the ghost of you sending shivers across my spine with every step.
three months, eleven days and i still cannot switch off the goddamn light because all i see is you. all i see is the grass and your lifeless corpse sprawled across the ground, your grey eyes dull and unmoving.
three months, eleven days and i still mourn you, still crave vengeance, still wish it was me instead, still can't seem to accept the fact that you're gone.
my thoughts are a whirlwind and they have swept me along. the winds are still trying to collect the pieces of our broken house. the ground is whispering to the wilted flowers, it's telling them to wake up and live on.
but how can they, cedric? how can they when they don't have water? how can they live on when the thing that poured life into them has disappeared, never to come back again?
three days,
eleven hours,
thirty eight minutes,
forty eight forty nine fifty fifty one seconds,
and i haven't left my room, scared that you'll be there in front of my room wearing a tux holding orchids in your hands and i'll blink and you'll be gone once more.
scared that you'll be in the common room, your eyes lighting up at the sight of me and you reach out your hand but when i do the same my fingers would feel nothing and you'll disappear once again.
i'm scared that i'll be trying to get over you my whole life.
yours,
today
and tomorrow
and forevermore,
june
