december end, 1996
cedric,
here is my last letter to you.
knowing you has been a whirlwind of emotions which swept me away each time leaving me shipwrecked on the shore thinking of you. you have been there in my light and in my dark, you stayed throughout the smiles and the tears, even in death you never left for which i am eternally grateful to you.
you showed me the side of life i never saw myself and helped me grow into the person i am today.
perhaps a greater than impact than your presence in my life was your death, for it brought on the darkest days of my life. i was subjected to the cold, forced to think of everything and everyone i lost.
no, nothing had been as painful as looking into your lifeless eyes and realising that i'll never get to feel the warmth of your body again.
for the longest time i cried myself blue and screamed until my throat was dry and i could not utter a single word. i had imagined a thousand ways in which our relationship could end but never had it occured my mind that it would happen with one alive staring at a headstone in a graveyard.
i still dreamed of you, i couldn't stop. in the house of grief in which i had trapped myself there was an occasional break in the wall which gave light to my wilting flower and gave it the chance of rebirth. they were all dreams i know, hallucinations, and figments of my wrecked imagination. but to me, it was real enough to get me through it all.
you were there through all the up's and downs,
you are here right now, in my heart,
and you will always be.
tomorrow is a new year and for the first time in two years i'm here with my friends smiling a real smile for once. because after all these years of lies and deception, i promise you, now i am really okay.
and i know now, the pain wouldn't be for evermore.
i love you,
june harwood
The End.
