early november, 1996
cedric,
you think you are getting better.
you think you're growing and you can see the future, it's right in your hands and you're reaching out and you're kicked back to the ground.
and then you think you're back at rock bottom when a hand reaches out. your eyes widen because you promised yourself not to fall again but you did and you're so terrified and overcome by thoughts of everything that could go wrong.
you look up at a smile so different from what you've known yet so welcoming. it helps you rise and fills you with hope.
i once told you, that i would never fall in love with someone else for my heart belongs to you and you alone and my heart does belong to you, but i'm afraid my love doesn't. not anymore.
you were my first love, the person who showed me light and whose death pushed me back into the dark hole of madness and grief. he helped me rise on my own, and cheered for me from the sidelines.
and i think i'm falling,
once again,
into the spiral of love.
june♡
