CHAPTER 16. hallucination of the past

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There was no way of grieving "the right way" for anyone

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There was no way of grieving "the right way" for anyone. Everyone mourned people or things in different ways. All of them, usually, acceptable.

Even though the process was supposed to lead him down a path where he'd move on, Okkotsu felt like he made no progress at all. It was as if he was slowly reverting back to his old self in the past 9 months.

Okkotsu missed her all too much. the way her hazel eyes held a subtle gleam when she smiled, the way she would cutely tilt her head away when she was embarrassed, and how she'd gently grab his hand as they ran to who knows where. He missed all of the little moments they had together. He wanted it back. No, he needed it back.

As the days passed by after Amaya's death, he slowly began to forget the feeling of their hands loosely held together. Though the feelings inside of his chest raged, his body calmed.

Okkotsu had never been so tired because of his feelings until then. He wanted to take them out, shove them into a box, and ship them far away from him. If he no longer held those feelings, then maybe he'd be okay. He hoped that he wouldn't have to feel as if his heart was ripped out of his chest on repeat if he completely moved on and forgot everything he felt.

Executing such actions was easier said than done.

Amaya fushiguro was Yuta Okkotsu's hallucination of the past. No matter how much he tried to ignore it, it continued to come back. Okkotsu sometimes saw Amaya as if she never left.

The boy would see that dear smile of hers that he missed, and he could almost feel her touch as her ghost would rest her hands on his shoulders and whisper sweet nothings.

However, this image of her would disappear if he was the one trying to reach out. It was his imagination, after all. So if it was all in his mind, Okkotsu couldn't figure out how he was able to hold her once again.

Okkotsu watched her die that day in the hospital. He witnessed Shoko Ieiri turn the machines off with a flip of a switch, heard the monitor flatline, indicating that her heart was no longer beating, and he even felt the warmth slowly leave her body during the hours he refused to leave.

So why? Why could he not only hold her in his arms, but feel her heart slowly beat and the subtle warmth radiating within her body?

Such things shouldn't have been possible.

The second year thought that he might've been hallucinating the entire situation until Itadori found him blankly staring at Amaya. The first year violently shook his senior out of his trance in worry.

"Itadori?" Okkotsu murmured.

The light-haired boy nodded, "I was gonna go buy something but I saw you here. Who is that, and why do you look... scared?"

Okkotsu was more terrified if anything. He didn't know why he felt this way if he should be happy. Should he be happy? Why would he be happy? Is this a good thing or a bad one? Is this some joke? There were too many questions and no answers.

𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐘𝐎𝐔 ; yuta okkotsuWhere stories live. Discover now