1991
Denali
ೄྀ࿐ ˊˎ-
I had everyone fooled. The press, the media, the boys, my crew, my manager, everyone but Phil. He knew deep down I wasn't okay and that these thoughts weren't something that came regularly for me. It had been a week since the time on the bus, and from there it got worse. So much worse. It was like there were ten different voices playing in my head explaining things to me that made no sense. One voice I could hear was one of my own, explaining to me that I was pathetic for feeling such a way. Maybe it was right, maybe not but who really cares anyways.
When I was on stage though it was like I was myself. I felt so much more alive then I usually felt. I felt so trapped usually and with no where else to run, and there was no one to tell but myself...
"Denny" Phil said down the hallway of the hotel.
"Hey" I said, watching as he approached me slowly.
"Can we talk?" Can we?
"Sure" i reply, offering him to step into my room. I look around at my own hellhole, seeing that in the span of two days it was trashed.
"God this is embarrassing...sorry, please ignore this" i say sitting on the unmade bed.
"It's okay" he laughs lightly.
It got quiet, the only noise heard is the sound of heater running through the hotel.
"I know you keep saying you're okay, but I feel like you aren't...you're always off in you're own world and it scares me, a lot." His voice grew shaky and my eyes shut tightly.
God get me out of here...
"There's a lot on my plate is all, I'll be okay though" i smile. Will I though? I can't keep telling myself and others that.
"I wanna help you know, i am here for you...you mean a lot to me. You're like one of us and I don't want you feeling this way...but I can't help you if you don't explain"
How do i explain if I don't know myself?
"It's complicated..."
"Hit me" Phil Said.
"It's like there's so much pressure and weight on my back it's like crushing me...and killing me. T-then their are these scattered voices running through my mind telling me things I don't understand..."
"I'm so drained...and I don't know how else to deal with it...so I just...stopped talking" my fingers tapped my thigh again, and my foot bounced against the floor. Phil took notice to this.
The ticking of the clock next to my bed grew louder and louder telling me to check it. It was 9pm and it was Thursday meaning everyone was either sleeping or partying. I would have slept if Phil hadn't confronted me.
"Denny" he said grabbing my fidgeting hand.
I entwined my fingers into his as a tear slipped down my cheek.
"Im loosing hope Phil...I'm loosing myself..."
His calloused fingers touched the soft skin of my chin and jaw, moving my face to align with his.
"You're still here...Denny you're not
gone..."
"I am Phil...I'm dying"
"No, no you're not Denny...when you're up on that stage I see you. You're made for this...this is what you're supposed to be doing because your happy doing what you love..."
His eyes scanned my face, looking into my lost eyes.
"You're not gone..." he whispered.
His features were so beautiful. His nose to perfectly shaped, and his eyes a deep brown. He smiled, and held my back gently, pulling me close and shutting his eyes.
The rest was a blur. His lips lightly touched mine before he really kissed me. From then it kept going, and going till the heat rose and I was eventually placed under his body, feeling every sense of euphoria.
His eyes staring into mine was the realest thing I had felt in months. The pressure I felt in my body falling when my nails quit digging into his back and biceps, and my chest rising and falling.
There I laid next to the person I wanted to talk to least, knowing he was my sense of reality, my saviour...
YOU ARE READING
𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐄 - p. anselmo
Fanfiction༉‧₊˚. ❝ there I laid next to the person I wanted to talk to least, knowing he was my sense of reality, my saviour... ❞ of course this wouldn't be easy. denali decided on the worst mistake of her life which would be to join pantera's bus for the...
