Healing His Grieving Heart

How it all started

Deepti's POV:

I'm now standing next to my husband, Sanjay. As he opens the front door to his house.

I never imagined that I would ever be his wife because I had lost all hope. But now I'm not really very glad due to the circumstances I had married him.

Let me explain how it all started...

Sanjay is my Murai Paiyan. He was my rightful guy. He was my only crush and unrequited love of my life, until he got married to another woman, the woman he loved. It broke my heart. I was devastated. But he was living his best life. I didn't want to be pinning for a married guy so with a heavy heart I put all my feelings aside and out of mind and literally ignored him since his wedding. I also skipped his wedding for a matter of fact. Within a year of marriage he and his wife were expecting a baby. After a year of the baby's arrival with his wife, Meghna passed away due to Covid-19.

Sanjay was so broken, he was a walking zombie. He had only 1 purpose to live and it was for his son Veer. After 6 months of his loss, Sanjay's mother, my atthai (aunt) decided that he wasn't healing and was struggling to care for his son, so she took matters into her hands and requested my appa (dad) for my hand in marriage with her son.

My appa couldn't say no to his sister. My amma (mom) was fuming with anger. When I was younger, I tried hinting at my amma about my crush by asking if she was ok with me marrying him but she got very angry and said no.

I don't know why she never wanted me to marry Sanjay. He was a good guy. He goes to work and takes care of his family but my amma thought that he wasn't good enough for me. It's not like I'm a ulaga azhagi (world's beauty). I'm a chubby looking girl. I hate the way I look. I always concluded that my size was the main reason that Sanjay didn't like me. Oh, coming back to the story...

My appa was hesitant and my amma straight away said no to my atthai (Sanjay's mom, aunt). My atthai kept convincing them that, I'm getting old and haven't found a good match. She also pointed out that all past suitors rejected me due to my weight.

After a year, with all the haywire of the pandemic and continued attempts from my atthai, My appa finally said, "If Deepti is ok with this then I am ok as well". With a smile my atthai said, "You don't worry, I will talk to Deepti personally".

My atthai came to my room. "Deepti ma..." She dragged. "Yes atthe?" I questioned. "Deepti, do you remember? I once suggested to you, to try and fall in love with Sanjay and marry him, but you ignored it... I'm asking you now, will you marry Sanjay?) She asked. I was speechless and frozen. "Please, Deepti..." She said holding my hand and continued "I know that you will take good care of him and my grandson. That is why I suggested you marry him in the first place but he was quicker than you and fell in love with Meghna". She said. "What did mom and dad say?" I asked. "They are waiting for your answer" she said. "What did Sanjay mama say?) I asked. "I have not talked to him about this. He has not been doing well during the lockdown. He only does work on laptop and stays in the room. He occasionally comes out. I'm asking you first to see if you're interested." she said. I pause for a while, thinking of the possibilities and the ways that my answer could go horribly wrong. I close my eyes, imagine my Sanjay's face, dreaming how it would be to be held in his arms, my back to his chest while he looks at me... I let out a huge sigh and say "Ok atthe, if Sanjay is ok with this marriage then I will marry him." With a huge grin, she hugs me and kisses my cheek. "I talk to Sanjay immediately" she says and leaves with happiness.

My atthai always wanted me to be her daughter in law. When I was about 14 or 15, she told me to make Sanjay fall in love with me... I thought she was just saying that cause she can keep my dad close to her so that he will take care of her family as well. Since then I thought she was nice to me since childhood because she was grooming me for her son. Over the years after realization, I avoided her for that. But my heart wanted Sanjay. To be loved by the perfect guy. A guy that my dad approves as the perfect gentleman. The guys I like should be approved by my dad, in Sanjay's case he was excelling with flying colors.

I spent the next few days, wondering what Sanjay would say and waiting for my atthai to call and tell the news. A big part of me, guaranteed that I would get rejected as always but a tiny part wanted him to agree.

***

5 days later...

My appa called me downstairs. "Deepti ma, Sanjay wants to talk to you. He is outside." He said. I almost sprinted outside but controlled myself and just speed walked.

Sanjay was standing on the porch, staring at the scenery. "Sanjay mama?" I whispered enough for him to hear. He turned his head and looked at me. He has a full grown beard, which I've never seen on him before. It makes him look older than he is. His eyes suddenly shift from calm to anger or furious, I'm not so sure which, but his eyebrows are drawn together and lowered. "Why didn't you say no?" He asked with clenched teeth. It took me a minute to register what he said because I was too engrossed in thinking of his demeanor towards me. He has never behaved like this to me before. He always smiles at me and talks in a playful manner, not after his marriage but he used to. Then his words clicked, he is talking about marriage. I was about to say something when he dragged me to his car by grabbing my arm forcefully. He pulled the passenger door open and shoved me inside and closed the door. He quickly got in the driver seat and drove off. "San..." I was about to speak, when he raised a hand for me to stop. So the rest of the ride went in silence. His grip on the wheel was clear that he was pissed.

He pulled over somewhere with literally no one around and turned towards me. He was looking at me intently. "I would have said no, but atteh forced me, she was persistent and waiting for the only answer she wanted for months" I explained.

He let out a huge sigh and said "She is forcing me too. Come, both of us can go together and say no". With slight disappointment I say "sure".

He drove to atteh's house.

Once we reached there together, my atteh came sprinting towards us in so much joy. "I knew it" she said

Sanjay said, "What did you know?"

"I was very sure the both of you would agree to the marriage, let's go inside" she says and drags us in.

"Amma, we need to tell you something" He said.

"I know what you're gonna say. You don't worry. I have planned everything. We will have the wedding in the next mugurtham as per the pandith. He also said, we should do Deepti's wedding as soon as possible because hee stars are aligned for her marriage now and in a few months they won't be as good." Atteh said

"But Amma, it's not that.." Sanjay looks at me like asking to break it to her.

"Atteh..." I say "we have decided not to get married" I say in a low and soft tone.

She looks at me for a while and starts laughing, "stop fooling me... Both of you have agreed with me." She says.

"Amma we can't. We will not be happy. We don't even like each other in that way." Sanjay says.

That hurts me a lot. Was I never obvious to him. Did it ever occur to him that I liked him?

"What are you kids playing? I'm telling you Sanjay if you don't.." my aunt collapses with her hand on her chest. We both panic and call out to her. I place her head on my lap, while Sanjay looks panicked.

"Sanjay! Come let's take her to the hospital." I say as he springs into action as he carries her to the car. I get in the back seat and he places her inside. I hold on to her as he drives us through traffic to the emergency room.

To be continued...