Lovesick

Chapter 18

Door two slammed. I jumped in my seat. What was up with all this door slamming? I stared at the bottle in my hand as I sat at the kitchen table, drinking my love away for my Just Kate. The scent of vanilla still lingered on my shirt from where she laid her head against my chest. The words rang loudly in my ears all the things she brought to my attention that Soobin had said to her, and how she still felt about me. I'm glad that her feelings still burn for me. And I wanted so badly today to love her. Just having her here meant so much. I couldn't express myself like I wanted though. I had to learn to control myself, but every time I get around her I come apart. That's why I turned to the bottle. I only used to drink occasionally, but lately it's become more of a habit. It was my only comfort since I can't have her. It was warm and soothing at times. Just like her. My Just Kate. Other times I drank until I was in a stupor. Anything to add gasoline to the fire I burn for her. Today I was so close, breathing her in. Touching her flawless face. Feeling her arms around me. We both need each other in ways Gyu, or Soobin will ever comprehend. And then I remember what I said to her. "In some way, you need Soobs, just as much as he needs you." What made me say that? Why had I said it? It was anything but true. I take a swig of the whiskey and swallowed hard. I needed her. I wanted her. And in that brief moment I knew she felt the same. I'll never get over her. And I know we are one in the same. I think of marriage to Gyu, and wonder if I'm wrong for loving her the way I do. Was it wrong of me to visit her when I made my trip to Daegu? She was the very reason I went. Even those few days were marvelous. My "one more time" only proved that we'll never be over. I just never dreamed I'd be on the sidelines looking in, and wising it was me who slept bey her side, who held her in the dark, and who made love to her until the wee hours of the morning. I long for the days at the lodge. I just long for her. I heard Gyu hollering like raving lunatic for Soobin. I inhaled deeply. He knows. It was bad enough that I knew. But I had to stay silent no matter how much I wanted to strangle Soobin myself. I had promised Kate I'd talk to Soobin myself, but instead I came down here to hide behind the bottle. I just couldn't face him without losing my temper. Gyu poked his head into the kitchen, "Soobs," he said panting, "you in here?!" He caught me off guard, mid drink, "Junnie, you seen Soobs?" I pouted my lips drunkly, "Do I look like I've seen him?" Gyu rolled his eyes and huffed out of the room, screaming Soobin's name. And so it begins. Kate? Oh geez? Where's Kate? I abruptly pushed back the chair and rose to my feet thinking only of Kate. Gyu shouldn't have left her alone. I know sometimes the urgency to take care of the matters at hand overtakes what's really right in front of you. Kate needs protecting. Soobin can wait. Can wait until she's not here. Gyu will soon learn you always put your woman first. I did that when Kate was mine. She was and will always be my top priority. I don't care who's in her life, or who's name she carries, she'll always have my undivided attention. I took the stairs two at a time to Gyu's room. I lightly knocked on the door. Kate turned from the window, shaking in her skin. She feared it was Soobin, but Soobin wouldn't have knocked. He would have just barged in. I asked, "Kate, you all right?" She exhaled and turned her attention back out the window. I spoke again, "Kate, please." I heard the door open. She peeked through the crack of the door and door jam. My heart sank to the pit of my stomach seeing the tracks of her tears. I wanted to push open the door, and pull her deep into my arms. She nodded, "I'm fine, Junnie. Thank you." She was scared. I could sense it as she went to close the door. I reassured her, placing my palm flat against it before she closed it on me, "Love, I won't let him hurt you." She opened the door wider to invite me in. I stayed on the other side of the threshold, my eyes all over her, "Kate, I can't. You know the rules. This is Gyu's space." I tucked my fingers into the front pockets of my jeans. As much as I would have liked to join her on the other side, I just couldn't. We'd already had one close encounter today. And Gyu was on a rampage, and I did not need to be his other victim. If it'd been any other time, I would have taken the chance. Her green eyes fell to the floor, "As you wish, Junnie." That alone did a number on my heart. How could I possibly deny her at a time like this? She stepped forward and closed the door behind her, leaning against it. I let in a heady breath. Her sweet vanilla scent was driving me wild. She said softly, "I told him, Junnie. He's furious." And I understood. I was too. I reached up and gently touched her face. I knew it was wrong, but how could I resist her? There was just no way. One touch, and I helplessly pulled her to me. I replied into her long curls, "Love, he's dangerous. And I'm sorry for the the things he said, and for the things I said. It's not true...you don't need him. He doesn't need you, nor will he ever deserve a woman like you." She sobbed against me, "No, Junnie. You were right. As crazy as it sounds, I do." I gasped and pulled her back by the upper part of her arms, "Kate, I spoke out of line, love. Soobs has gotten inside your head. Believe me...you're too good for any of us." I don't know why I felt like we were being watched, however, I sensed Soobin lurking in the shadows. I peered from the corners of my eyes in the direction to his bedroom. I whispered to her, "He's watching us." Kate casually followed my eyes, then together we gazed at each other. My heart sank as I watched the way she tucked the corner of her bottom lip inside her mouth and bit down. I honestly felt the heat rise up in my thighs. She gingerly slid her arms around my neck. Too close. My mind screamed 'Love, what are you doing?' A tiny smile reflected in her eyes. She pushed up on her top toes and whispered on my ear, "The let him look. He already knows about us." That much was true. We definitely couldn't hide our true nature from any of them. Even though her love for me reflected in her green orbs, I could see sheer panic on the rise. But I have to be good. This is why I came to her. This is what I want. This wasn't Daegu. We weren't alone. And she smelled fucking edible. She was the most beautiful thing I've ever held in my arms, and I never wanted to let her go. My libido flexed behind the fly of my dark jeans. If it was just the two of us, I would've ravished her on the spot.  But if Soobin's really watching and sees us, we both know he'll freak out. It's just something in this moment doesn't feel right. On any other given day, I would have gone with my heart, and taken what she was offering,  but I'm just the fallback guy. The pick me up. And as much as my head screams to go for it, I slam on the breaks and resist. Or did I somehow panic? Wait! I never panic. She asked softly, "Junnie, you ok?" Our moment has once again been interrupted. I heard Tae's voice coming up the other end of the hall. He was talking to Kai. I quickly removed her arms, "Kate, not here. Things just aren't the same anymore." As much as it hurt, it was the truth. We couldn't be seen like this. For I know how Tae feels about my Just Kate, and I know Kai is crushing hard on her. She fell back against the door. I'd never denied her of anything. And I'm just not denying her, but myself as well. I loved her so much. Neither one of us were touching. It appeared we were having a simple conversation. As Tae walked passed us, I noticed the way Kate caught his eye. And how she nodded when Kai said hello, 'Kit Kate.' It was though the wind had been knocked out of me. Holy shit! Something happened between them. I gasped, curling the fingers of my right hand on her jaw, "What the f*** was that?" Terror flooded her face. I stated through gritted teeth, anger narrowing the corners of my eyes, "You're mine, Just Kate! Mine! I tell you! It's bad enough that I share you with Gyu, and I'm having to fight off Soobs, but Tae the fuck too?" I didn't know what came over me. I've never done such a thing. Hurting my Just Kate is the last thing I'd ever do.

Soobin could hear their muddled whispers, and he stood there, anticipation filling him to the brim, waiting to make his move after she had stood him up. She was finally alone, or so he thought...but Junnie came to her rescue. He'd been waiting to finally catch her...and now Junnie's with her....again. And he's furious. He watches in the awe the way Junnie's tune changes when Tae and Kai walks by. Jealousy rages from within, a feeling he knows all too well. He couldn't find the strength to step out of the shadows. His eyes were all over Kate's form. If he were Junnie he'd kiss that mouth in his grip. Just to taste their strawberry sweetness. He recognized the fear of his actions in Junnie's eyes. Tears formed at seeing the way he manhandled her. Is that she saw him? Was he always that way when it came to her? He mumbled turning his burning eyes away, "I'm sorry, my sweet Red." He looked back to see the way Junnie consoled her, caressing her cheek. He snaked his arm around her neck and hooked her to his chest. Soobin couldn't hear what Junnie was saying through the strands of her hair. He only envisioned that it was him she was clinging to. The way her fingers curled in the sides of his chest. Junnie's eyes glistened in a drunken state. Had Junnie been drinking? Had he been hiding his pain just like him? And why is it Kate never pushes him away? She's always pulling him in, welcoming him, showering him with love. He heard Kate say, "It's ok. I'm ok. You didn't mean it. I forgive you." How was it she forgave Junnie for crossing the line, but when it comes to him it's sheer madness? Soobin just didn't understand. He wanted to get to the bottom of it. He needed Kate in his life. He needed her friendship and craved for her to love him. The longer he stood here watching the scene play out between his friend and his sweet Red, the more angrier he became. She'd stood him up. For this. He was ready to give her his all. Ready to make her scream from all the pleasure and pain. Suddenly he caught her eye. He watched her freeze in Junnie's arms. He ducked behind the door, bracing himself. This wasn't over. He'd have one more taste whether she came willingly or he had to take it from her.