Lovesick

Chapter 33

I was sitting in the chair at my desk, my head lowered as I scanned through and was reading my emails and messages from our manager on my phone. I was still trying my damnedest to process that my Just Kate was leaving, leaving BigHit. I tried to convince her to stay, but maybe it was my own pride getting in the way. I wanted her to stay for me. Because I need her. Because I'm so in love with her. She's leaving, and I'm not sure when I'll be able to pay a visit to Daegu. Looking at our schedule of upcoming events, I'm going to be pretty tied up the rest of the year. I'm so bummed. I need a drink. I could taste the whiskey on my tongue. I need my "one last time" with her. Then I smelled vanilla. I lifted my head and turned it towards my opened door. Kate. My Just Kate. I didn't say a word. I'd clearly said enough earlier. I turned my head away, nibbling on the tip of my tongue, mumbling under my breath. I heard the door close then lock. My libido jumped as I felt her moving in closer. She said softly, "Junnie, can we talk?" Talk, I thought, I'd rather ravage you right where you stand.' When my eyes met hers, I saw the fire burning. She slowly eased herself down at the foot of my bed. I let out a ragged breath, setting my phone aside, "So it's a done deal? You're already gone. Just like in your song." She pressed her lips tightly together, "Junnie, no. Not when you say it like that." I had to come clean. I rolled the chair over to her and folded my arms over my chest. I looked up at the ceiling, teasing the corner of my mouth with the tip of my tongue, "Let's be honest here, love. You've been gone since the day I turned you loose." I felt her turn her eyes away sadly. Damn! I'd gone and stomped on her heart. But I was hurting. I keep taking and taking from her. And getting no reprise in return. She loves me, too, and we both know the only way we can be together is have our secret rendezvous. It's no way to have an affair, but I can't let go. No matter how many times I've tried to cut the ties. I see her, and I'm down in flame again. On my knees for her. There's never been another woman who's gotten ahold of me like this. I take in a deep breath and lower my head, to find she'd turned hers away, ashamed to even look at me. I rolled the chair in closer and reached for her chin, "Ah, love. It's a burden I'm learning to live with. I'll be ok." I saw her chest trembling. I slowly turned those sad eyes on me, and I leaned in to kiss away a falling tear, "Just Kate," I spoke softly, "you know I love you...so very, very much. This thing between us is not easy. It'll never be easy. We've been living this lie thinking it'll get better somehow." She whispered my name, and I was tempted to brush my lips over hers. The saltiness of her tears tasted like my own. We still yearned for one another. That's one thing between us that will never change. I felt her warm breath fan my face, "But I can't. Junnie, give me that one more time." I froze. Did my Just Kate just say what I thought she said? That's my phrase to her. Dear lord! I'm on fire for her. My loins are throbbing with a great need. But I can't. However, my want is so much so stronger it's overriding everything. I graze my mouth over hers slightly. I felt the zing. She leaned in returning the kiss. Is this why she locked the door? What about Gyu? Why was I concerned about him? She's here. With me. But he's my friend. She's his wife. And she's my lover. And that's all she'll ever be. Damn me for letting her go! But if she were mine, she'd be with Gyu, too. Just like before. This back and forth is too much. I need to make a decision, and make it now. I'm either all in, or I walk away. I'm torn between doing what's right, or following my heart. I tuck a lock of her hair behind her ear and run the fine strands down the long strand, "Ah, Just Kate," I whisper, "You know I want that too. Always with you." I close my eyes. I feel her reach for me. The tips of her fingers on my chest. She begged, "Junnie, don't send me away empty handed. I need to know we still have something." Fuck me. Is she really serious? This is a first that she's come to me. I'm not sure how to handle this. I'm already on the brink of losing control, and I've barely touched her. I take her hand from my chest between my own, "Love," I rasped, "We'll always have something. All the best love stories have one thing in common, you have to go against the odds to get there. That's us. But I shouldn't have started something downstairs. You were talking about quitting, and I just wanted you to shut up. Quitting is not your style. You always go against the grain." She nodded, "I was upset, Junnie. Soobin has me oat my whits end. I can hardly think straight. Please can we finish what we started." She straddled my lap. Dear god. I rested my hands on her hips, then I glided them up her back as she arched her chest to me and her head fell back. Fuck. She's so damn sexy. She rolled her head and smiled at me, biting her lower lip. That was my cue. I'll always be all in with her.
I shifted myself in the chair, and captured my lips with hers. I heard her inhale as my long fingers buried deep into her hair. I moved us out of the chair and lowered her down on the bed. Our hands and our mouths were everywhere. I was doing this. We were doing this right here in my room. I felt good. I felt adventurous. But we weren't alone. Even though we were tucked away behind a locked door, Kate's husband was still either across the hall or downstairs. My heart raced as I glided a hand down the side of her chest to her hip. I teasingly pushed her shirt up so I could touch her soft skin. Her lips parted with mine and our tongues mated like so many times before. Dear god...I wanted my Just Kate back. I felt the tips of her fingers up inside my shirt, lightly stroking my back. Zing. Zap. There it was. The electricity between us. Kate arched her hips to my throbbing need. I ever so slowly eased her top up and over her head. As we kissed some more my left hand glided south, my fingers finding their way into the waistband of her jeans and beyond the lacy band of her panties. I could feel her warmth and the wetness. Fuck. She was ready. I commented against her mouth, "Love, you're drenched. I want to feel you on my lips. Taste you on my tongue." I shimmied down her form and tugged her jeans and her panties from her shapely hips in one swoop. I buried myself between her legs. My sweet heaven. Her fingers surged into my hair and she arched her lips to my tongue. It plunged into her. She tasted so good, and I gave her a rising bud a little flick as I moved to my feet to remove my clothes. My angel in all her glory spread on my bed. What a delight. I moaned, "Just Kate, you look perfect and beautiful in my bed." She reached for me, "Junnie." I crawled up on her, the tip of my arousal, finding her womanly cove, and I entered her just a little. I knew if I went any further I'd explode, and I had warned her. The second she arched her hips to me, I couldn't resist. I made sweet love to my baby. When I felt her shatter all around me, I let go. I laid there in euphoria, holding her, my face buried in the crook of her neck. I stated, "Baby, I never should have let you go. I wish I could have this with you everyday. I wish you were all mine." She wrapped her arms around me and said softly against the shell of my ear, "Junnie, I'll always be yours." I lifted my head, taking her hand in mine, our fingers caressing each other, "Love, yes. But not like this. I wish all this was mine. You. Us. Your baby. We're so good together that I can't stand it. Forgive me for being so jealous. Every time we come together, I realize that I never should have given Gyu the key. I never should have turned you loose. My heart's so big for you, Just Kate." She swooned from the side effects of our lovemaking, "Junnie, I never want this to end with you." I brought her fingers to my lips, kissing them, "Kate, but you know we can't keep doing this. It's not fair to Gyu." I moved off of her and dressed. I wasn't having second thoughts because I'm part to blame. Anytime I'm around my Just Kate, I want to remind her of what we had, and show her how much I miss it. How much I'm still in love with her. Just like now. I don't want her to forget. Me or my love for her. It's always there. As I pull my jeans up, zipping the fly, leaving the button undone, I look at laying there, propped on her elbows. I shook my head, "There'll never be a another you. Honestly, woman, you've turned me inside out." She smirked, "You've had me messed up since you came on the scene." I playfully tossed her her under garments, "Get dressed before I ravish you again." She dressed in her lacy underwear and matching bra. Oh, how I was going to miss her black lace, and how sexy as hell she looks in and out of it. I arched my eyebrows at her. She asked with a coy smile as she put on her jeans, "What?" I stepped up to her, running my index finger along the edge of the cup of her well endowed breasts, "Just thinking, Just Kate." She nibbled on her bottom lip. I truly didn't want her to leave, but I knew she had to. Our time spent in here was a conversation I won't forget. She'd come to me. It was bittersweet. Every time with her has been since I let her go. She pulled her shirt over her shoulders, and I took her face into my hands. I leaned down and kissed her tenderly, "Thank you, love." She nodded. I knew Gyu would be broken if he knew his wife has just laid with me, but he knows our history, and I don't think he'll ever accept that fact that we can't be without each other. However, we still need to play it safe. I rested my forehead to hers and stroked her temples, "I mean it, Just Kate. Don't forget...us."
She curled her fingers into the waistband of my jeans, her eyes gazing into mine, "You're a part of me, Junnie. You're always with me. How can I forget...us?" I felt the tears stinging the back of my eyes, "Kate, I need you, baby. Always in my life. I know I've said a time or two that I needed to set you free. But I'm not strong enough. Man enough. I need you. I need this. Only with you." She glided her hands up my bare chest and I hissed as her arms circled around my neck, "Ditto. I love you, Junnie." I gave her one last long enduring kiss then I turned my back so she could continue dressing. We talked a little bit more about her music in Daegu. Yes, she was still going to record. Thank goodness. Yes, she was still going to work at the Gypsy, and perform when needed. I reminded her that I didn't know when I'd be able to make it to see her. And sadly she understood. Saying goodbye today is harder than I thought it would be. I grabbed my hoodie and pulled it over my head and pulled my hair partially back. Kate crept up behind me and slid her arms around the front of me, hugging me tightly. I squeezed my eyes tight to keep the tears from falling. I said, turning into her, embracing her to my chest, "I know, love. We'll be ok. I'll see you soon. Promise. Just know that I love you." Oh how I was going to miss her. My life hasn't been the same since she walked into it. I'm forever hooked on my Just Kate.