Lovesick

Chapter 30

By the time I made it to my bedroom, I heard sobbing. It broke me to hear my Kitty Kate crying. Even before we were a couple, only the best of friends, it tugged on my heart strings to see her tears. And now made no difference. I slowly pushed open the door to find Kate's opened bag on the bed, and some of her things strewn next too it. But she wasn't within sight. The bathroom door was closed, and  sniffles was coming from the other side. I lightly rapped on the door, "Baby?" Kate didn't answer. I knew I had upset her, and I wanted to make it up to her. I shouldn't have brought her here, I felt that in my gut the moment we set foot over the threshold days ago. I knew somehow something like this would happen, and to see Kate upset was the last thing I wanted to do. I knew the second I see her tears, I too, will find myself crying. When she didn't answer me, I knocked again, "Kit Kate?" then turned the doorknob. Locked. No she didn't??! She'd locked me out. I stared blankly at the door. I was concerned. Worried. Scared. Hurt. I tried again, pressing my forehead to the door, with my hand on the knob, ready at any moment, "Kate," I pleaded, "Unlock the door and talk to me." Still I only heard her broken whimpers. My heart crushed into a million pieces against my chest. I apologized, "Baby, forgive me if I said something wrong. Let's work this out." Kate stood over the sink staring at her reflection in the mirror, her face soaked in tears. She stated softly, "You're a mess, Katelyn Choi. Just look at you. Cookie always said he was lucky to have you, but how is that? You're pathetic. You're not worth his time or effort. You're lucky he even loves you. Why he chose you I'll never know? You're only good for one thing, and that's to screw everything up. Fawning all over Junnie. Catching yourself under Soobin's spell. You'd disgust Cookie. How can you even live with yourself? It's no wonder he wants your ass back in Daegu." I could barely make out what she was saying. I caught a few words here and there. Then I heard her say, "As soon you get back, you'll March right into BigHit, and quit just like you said you would." I jiggled the doorknob, "Kate, please. Don't do this. Please open up." She tuned tear filled eyes towards the door, "Cookie, just let me be. You'll be better off. You never should've gotten involved with me. I'm not worth your love." I turned my back against the door, sliding down, "Kate, I don't care. I love you. I've loved you since that day at the park. Since the moment I opened my front door and there you were with a plate full of warm cookies. We've all made mistakes, but you have me, and I won't let you fall into the trap again. Baby," I cried, "I'm doing this for us. To save us. To save you."

I heard the lock turn...that was my cue. She was letting me in. I rose up off the floor just as she opened the door. I stepped in and wrapped my arms around her. Her arms circled under mine, and I felt her dainty fingers grasping at my shirt. I held her tighter. She cried into the crook of my neck, "Cookie, I'm so confused right now. My head. My heart. Everything hurts." I shhed her and just held her, letting her cry. We both did. I felt so helpless knowing all this about her. My baby didn't need this now that she's pregnant. And I didn't won't her to miscarry by staying upset all the time. I don't know what all Soobin did back then, but he's definitely gotten into her head now. In my gut I got a crazy suspicion that it just wasn't about Soobin, but Junnie as well. Damn him! Damn them both! She's my wife. Why can't they just leave her out of it? I'm the one who truly loves her. I'm the one who'd die for her. I know our relationship isn't perfect. Whose is? But I never dreamed my girl would come full circle with her past. If I'd known Soobin and her had crossed paths before us, I would have done a better job protecting her. I would have been a better husband. She sniffed, pulling back, "I'm like the total package that got ficked up through shipping and handling." I shook my head drying her tears with the pads of my thumbs, "No, Kitty Kate. You're far from being that messed up." She closed her eyes, "It's the truth, Cookie. How can you even stand the sight of me? You could've chosen someone far better than me to spend the rest of your life with." That stung. I knew in this moment Kate didn't mean it, but it still hurt. I lifted her chin, "Kate, look at me. Stop kicking yourself. I love you. I fell for you. I chose you. You, Kit Kate. And we'll get through this together. But you have to promise me this...the best way to cover the past is to build new memories. With me. Walk away from all this. Soobs and Junnie. Can you do that, Kate? Can you live on just my love alone?" Maybe I was asking too much. But it was what I felt. I needed to know that she could let go of her past, walk away from Junnie, and live for me. I needed to know that I was all she needed. She slowly nodded as another tear fell. I knew this was ripping her apart because she was so damn close to Junnie. She married me. She promised her love to me. Her heart. To cherish me. To be mine. No one else's. Just mine. But was she telling me the whole truth? I don't want her agreeing, or committing to something she can't be truthful about. The only way I'll know for sure is if I can get us back to Daegu. I may have to vanish from TXT for awhile until our baby is born. It's not what I want to do, but it's the only thing I can think of to keep my family safe. After losing one child to Soob's crazy ass demise, I can't afford to lose this one or my wife...not him. Today had me more worried than ever. I always feared with Junnie simply because they were so close, but not as much as I do with Soobin. I saw the way he was looking at her with those undress me eyes. That come hither way his mouth twitched the closer he leaned into her. It reminded me so much of our photoshoot in the field. Who the hell does he think he's fooling? Kate blinked, "I promise, Cookie. I'm all yours." I found the strength to smile just a little. In her eyes I saw complete sincerity even though another tear fell. I pressed my lips to her cheek, tasting the saltiness. I knew this was going to be hard for her. Junnie had a way of making her fall. And in time, I'm sure he'd find a way to let her go as well. She crumbled, her bottom lip trembling, "Cookie, please don't let me go through this alone. I know you need to be here, but I need you." The tip of my tongue peeked out between my lips. I looked deep into her eyes, resting my forehead to hers, "Kitty Kate, there's no way I'm letting you go back without me. I love you, baby. When I entered into this relationship with you, I accepted all that you are, and when I said I do, I meant every word. I will stand by you and protect you. Shelter you. Cover you."  She raised her right hand and caressed my cheek, "Cookie, I'm so sorry. You really do  stand by your word." Of course I did. I love this woman. I'd take her all over again. The good, the bad, and ugly. I'd choose her over anyone. I leaned my head back slightly and gazed at her like I always have....adoringly. I couldn't help but to get lost in the beauty of her. Even when she cried, she's so beautiful. So perfect. So mine. A soft smile tugged at the corners of my mouth, "I love you, Kitty Kate," I whispered between us, "I love us." I took her by the hand and led her into the bedroom and over to the bed. She stared at her bag, her things, "Cookie, I've decided to leave BigHit." That hit me from out of the blue. Leave BigHit? Where had that come from? She'd just started her career. I mumbled, "Why? Baby, it's what you've always wanted." She chewed on the inside of her lip, and cocked green eyes my way, "Is it, Cookie? It was a fantasy. I'm not cut out for this lifestyle. I'm a waitress. A bartender. A writer. A wannabe singer. That's what I enjoy. That's who I am. That's me."  She says all this but she's so much more to me. I sit down on the edge of the bed, and take her hands in mine, "Kate, no. You know you're good. Look at how far you've come. You've been recognized for years by other talented artists for your amazing gift of writing. That's who you are, baby. You're an artist from within. You have been since you were 16. That little black of yours is what led me to you. It's what brought us to where we are. Baby, don't give up now because of a hiccup." Her chin dropped to her chest, "Cookie, I don't know. So much has happened, all at once, since I accepted the contract. The thing with Tae," my chest tightened. I'd almost forgotten he'd made a pass at her. She continued, "Now all this with Soobin and my past surfacing. I'm just so afraid I won't be able to be all I can be, and produce good music. My thoughts are jumbled that I can hardly think straight. And I want to make you proud, and I can't do that by being a complete mess." I moved my hands to her hips, and laid my head to her midriff. It was starting to swell. Our baby was growing. I kissed her there, and gazed up at her. Make me proud? Was she doing all this for me? I was hoping it was for us. I questioned, "Kate, what are saying?" She sifted the fingers of her right hand through my hair, "Cookie, I'm saying I live my life through you. I always have. Why do you think all my songs are about you? My first song was about you. Every page in my songbook is my heart being spilled out between the lines for you." Right then I knew she could not give up. Giving up would be a drastic mistake, and for her that's not worth risking. And I would make sure of it. More importantly Daegu awaited, and I needed to find us the earliest flight out of here. I wanted to get her home. Safe and sound.