Lost In The Dark

Chapter 3

Dahvie's pulse was racing. I could feel his pulse as I held his hand. To be honest, my heart was also pounding, never in my wildest, drunkest dreams would I have ever imagined this happening. I don't know why I was doing this now, we had gotten high together before and I had never done anything even remotely close to this. Maybe I was just tired of hiding my feelings for Dahvie and my drug induced state was just helping along. Either way it didn't matter, I was happy with Dahvie by my side. After this though, it would probably never happen again, or we would pretend it had never happened. I had to take advantage of my time with him. Dahvie must have been really surprised, I had never really given any indication of what I felt towards Dahvie, what if he didn't like me back? Yet he was still here, by my side, he hadn't moved away or pulled his hand out of mine. That must mean that he felt something for me right? I sighed inwardly, I needed to make a move before it was too late. I pushed myself up away from the wall and sluggishly turned to face Dahvie. He was laying against the wall, red-faced and breathing hard, his other hand was clenching and un-clenching *What's wrong with him?* I thought as I gathered my thoughts, I leaned forward so I could see his face more clearly, that's when I noticed the rather large bulge in his pants. My eyebrows shot up in surprise *Well hello!* Dahvie was nervously squirming as I looked at his erection. 

"Dahvie?" I slurred out. He swallowed thickly and averted his eyes. 

"Dahvie?" I asked again, he remained quiet. Was he ashamed of himself? Worry began to knot in my stomach and panic rose in my chest. Why wouldn't he look at me! I couldn't take this, he didn't want me, he never would, he was ashamed and embarrassed. I felt the tears seep into my eyes. No! I wouldn't let him see me like this. I shoved myself away from him and stumbled off the bed, sniffling I half ran, half stumbled into the bathroom and closed the door behind me. I fumbled in the dark for a moment, then I found the light switch and soft yellow light flooded the bathroom. My reflection stared back at me, red eyed from the weed and suppressed tears, I continued to stare at myself, a lone tear slipped down my cheek and that was all it took to break me down, I was sobbing and gasping for breath. I couldn't stand to look at myself. I was hideous! I sat on the toilet and held my head in my shaking hands, tears dripped endlessly from my chin. How stupid of me to believe I had a chance with Dahvie. Stupid,stupid, stupid! I covered my face with my hands in attempt to calm myself down, but the sobs wouldn't stop, why was I acting this way? I looked up to get a tissue and nearly jumped out of my skin. Dahvie was kneeling on the balls of his feet watching me, I must have been crying louder than I thought since I had not heard the door open. Silently he lifted his hand and wiped away at my tears. This only caused another bout of sobs to burst from my chest. Shushing me he wrapped his arms around my shaking shoulders, I leaned into him. 

"Dahvie?"I tried again. He pulled away and looked at me. 

"Dahv..." I was cut off by his lips pressing against mine. My crying stopped abruptly and I was kissing him back, I had never felt such joy bloom in my chest, everything felt so perfect. When we pulled away Dahvie looked at me with his hazel eyes. Nothing needed to be said, he stood up and extended me his hand, I took it graciously and let him lead me back to the bed, we laid down facing each other, Dahvie planted a sweet kiss on my forehead and held me close. Weed smoke fogged the room giving everything a surreal haze-like quality to it, I almost couldn't believe what was happening. Emotionally exhausted, I didn't protest when I felt sleep tug me under. 

Something I never, ever, ever wanted to see in my life again was Jayy cry. I literally thought I could see his whole world shatter into pieces. Despite being self-conscious I got up and stood outside the bathroom door listening to him cry. I put my hand against my chest, there was a sad sharp pain pulsing in my heart. Jayy was muttering something over and over but the door muffled it so I couldn't tell what he was saying. There was a moment of silence fallowed by another round of sobbing. I couldn't just stand here and let my best friend cry! Cautiously I inched open the door, Jayy was sitting on the toilet covering his face with his hands, his shoulders were shaking violently. I had never seen Jayy act like this before, knowing it had been I that caused this only made me feel worse. I knelt in front of Jayy and waited for him to look up. It took a few minutes, but at last he looked up, he jumped in surprise. I wiped away some stray tears. He tried to talk to me, but I wasn't ready to address this subject yet, so I did the only thing I could think of that would calm him and make me happy, I kissed him. This wasn't like a stage kiss, this was so much more! When we kissed on stage I felt a shock of electricity stream through my body when our lips met, but this was so amazing, it felt like...sunshine warming your skin for the first time after winter, it tasted like fresh cool rain on a spring day. I had never felt something this right before. This was as it should be. Gently, I pulled away from Jayy and led him back to the bed, I kissed his forehead and watched his eyes flutter and close. When he slept, he looked so peaceful, his skin was pale and iridescent, inky black eyelashes casted shadows on his sharp cheekbones, and his lips...pale pink and full, so kissable and soft. I tucked a strand of hair behind his ear and kissed his lips once more, a small grin tugged the corners of his lips, despite of myself I smiled too. I looked over Jayy's shoulder at the digital clock placed on the table beside the bed, we had three hours before we had go to do sound-check. Careful as to not wake Jayy, I crawled out of bed and grabbed my Hello Kitty towel and went into the bathroom, I turned on the shower and undressed while I waited for the water to heat up, then I stepped in and let the warm water stream down my body, I sighed in relief and began to sing Nirvana. 

"This is redemption for all my people in a song. Here's the key, this is what you need. That will open your eyes, your heart will never tell you lies." I sang away my stress, I was rubbing pomegranate scented shampoo into my hair when I heard the door burst open and Jayy walked in singing along. 

"Three cheers now for the hate to demise. A place to escape where we can be free. A place we live in harmony. Oblivious to hatred is what you'll find. My friend, this is the message to end your suffering." I laughed and continued to sing. Then I shut the water off. 

"Hey Jayy, hand me my towel will ya?" 

My Hello Kitty towel flew above the shower stall. 

"Thanks Jayy" I opened the door and stepped onto the bath mat, Jayy was in front of the mirror brushing his teeth, I tied the towel securely around my waist and joined him by the sink, grinned at me around his tooth brush, I began brushing my hair, Jayy spit out the toothpaste and rinsed his mouth, I looked at him from the corner of my eye while I brushed my hair. He leaned casually against the sink. 

"Soooo..." He said 

"Soooo..." I replied and blushed, Jayy slid his hand over the counter and covered my hand with it. I felt myself blush furiously but I didn't remove my hand, Jayy smiled shyly at me, I smiled back. He took my hand and gave it a small squeeze. I moved closer to Jayy, he turned towards me and pulled me even closer by tugging on my towel, he stroked my cheek with cool fingertips, I shivered as goosebumps crept up my arms and back. 

"You don't know how long I've been waiting for this." Jayy whispered,his warm breath on my face sent more chills up my spine. I took his hand and kissed his fingers individually. 

"Me too Jayy, me too."